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Many animals species are becoming extinct as a result of human activities. What are the causes an possible solutions to this problem. v.2

Many animals species are becoming extinct as a result of human activities. What are the causes an possible solutions to this problem. v. 2
Animal species are being transformed into endangered zone due to global biodiversity nowadays, mainly, due to the deforestation and over-hunting of wildlife. Although, this is a highly considerable phenomenon, which needs to be resolved otherwise the upcoming world would lose the precious natural habitats. However, this essay will discuss the possible causes and submit a viable solution to this issue. The damaging kinds are due to the pattern of human activity. The main causes of extinction is that the deforestation and destroying the natural habitat of various animals. As the world's population is growing rapidly. Owing to this way, the major dilemma of humans is a sheltered place for spent their life in a convenient way. The main point is that to cut down the trees in order to construct the new residential buildings. As a result, many forests are being converted into towns and villages. Another reason of animal extinction is over-hunting of species. Due to this way, lots of animal divisions have been killed by humans to their need of land. Thus, its a bad impact on society and all over the globe. For example, an African rhinoceros has been declared extinct in 2011. Turning to possible solutions, the best way to tackle this problem, the Government must take important decision and deter to cut down the trees and also provide suitable places for residential areas where people can spend their life without the extinction of animal species. Also, the Government should stern punishment for illegal hunting of animals to save the various precious types. For instance, Bahria town Karachi established an adventure land for saving the animal kinds to become extinct To sum up, Humans actions are the major responsible for destroying the natural flora and fauna. This essay discussed the over-hunting and deforestation are the concerns of this issue, however, by the above proposed solution individuals and government should consider more attention to this issue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animal
species are
being transformed
into endangered zone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to global biodiversity nowadays,
mainly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the deforestation and over-hunting of wildlife. Although, this is a
highly
considerable phenomenon, which needs to
be resolved
otherwise
the upcoming world would lose the precious natural habitats.
However
, this essay will discuss the possible causes and submit a viable solution to this issue.

The damaging kinds are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the pattern of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
activity. The main causes of extinction is that the deforestation and destroying the natural habitat of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the world's population is growing
rapidly
. Owing to this way, the major dilemma of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
is a sheltered place for spent their life
Consider replacing "in a convenient way" with the adverb for "convenient"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a convenient way
. The main point is that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the trees in order to construct the new residential buildings.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forests are
being converted
into towns and villages. Another reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
extinction is over-hunting of species.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to this way, lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
divisions have
been killed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to their need of land.
Thus
,
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on society and all over the globe.
For example
, an African rhinoceros has
been declared
extinct in 2011.

Turning to possible solutions, the best way to tackle this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decision and deter to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the trees and
also
provide suitable places for residential areas where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can spend their life without the extinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species.
Also
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should stern punishment for illegal hunting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to save the various precious types.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bahria
town Karachi established an adventure land for saving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
kinds to become extinct

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Humans
actions are the major responsible for destroying the natural flora and fauna. This essay discussed the over-hunting and deforestation are the concerns of this issue,
however
, by the above proposed solution individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should consider more attention to this issue.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Many animals species are becoming extinct as a result of human activities. What are the causes an possible solutions to this problem. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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