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Sugar consumption is too harmful. Some people say it is government's responsibility to limitate sugar intake while others say it is individuals who are responsible. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.1

Sugar consumption is too harmful. Some people say it is government's responsibility to limitate sugar intake while others say it is individuals who are responsible. v. 1
People have different opinions about the key method of improving safety on the roads. While some individuals believe that the highest speed limit reduction on automobiles is the best method, others disagree with this viewpoint and think that having a frequent awareness campaign through seminar is better. In my opinion, minimizing the maximum speed limits is the most excellent way to elevate road safety because it will directly save many lives as people would be forced to drive safe. On the one hand, those who advocate that reducing the maximum speed limit on cars is the key to the improvement of road safety may argue that this will force many individuals, both young and old, to consciously drive well, and I agree with this. In other words, a large number of people are being compulsion to drive safe irrespective of their willingness to over-speed, whether out of fear of missing a meeting or competing with other vehicles for the fastest runners. In the UK for instance, the government recently passed a law to reduce the greatest speed limits of all automobiles to 80km/h on the 25th October, 2019. This is done with the aim that it would drastically cause a reduction of road accidents, and it will also save many innocent lives. On the other hand, opponents of the above viewpoint are of the belief that the best practical way to elevate safeness on the streets is to organise a frequent government - sponsored awareness seminars in every city. This is because such an effective awareness would warn people of the dangers of over-speeding on the highways. For example, Ogun State Road Safety Agency usually organizes a monthly seminar in every town of the state, thereby helping a small number of people to carefully drive on the roads. As a result, there are few positive effects of this awareness on citizen safety. In conclusion, although some people believe organizing constant seminars, which should be sponsored by the government, is the best way of increasing safety on the highways, I think forcing people to drive with guided and safe maximum speed limits is the excellent way as this saves lives of many citizens.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about the key method of improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limit
reduction on automobiles is the best method, others disagree with this viewpoint and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that having a frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
campaign through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seminar
is better. In my opinion, minimizing the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limits
is the most excellent way to elevate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
directly
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
safe.

On the one hand, those who advocate that reducing the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limit
on cars is the key to the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
may argue that this will force
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals, both young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, to
consciously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
well, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are being compulsion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
safe irrespective of their willingness to over-speed, whether out of fear of missing a meeting or competing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
vehicles for the fastest runners. In the UK
for instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
recently passed a law to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limits
of all automobiles to
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "80 km"
80km
/h on the 25th
When specifying a month and year, the comma is unnecessary: "October 2019".
October, 2019
. This
is done
with the aim that it would
drastically
cause a reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
accidents, and it will
also
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, opponents of the above viewpoint are of the belief that the best practical way to elevate safeness on the streets is to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
a frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
sponsored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seminars
in every city. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such an effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
would warn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of over-speeding on the highways.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ogun
State
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Safety
Agency
usually
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organize' and 'organise') within a single text.
organizes
a monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seminar
in every town of the state, thereby helping a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
carefully
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
As a result
, there are few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
on citizen safety.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organize' and 'organise') within a single text.
organizing
constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seminars
, which should
be sponsored
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, is the best way of increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
on the highways, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
with guided and safe maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limits
is the excellent way as this saves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Sugar consumption is too harmful. Some people say it is government's responsibility to limitate sugar intake while others say it is individuals who are responsible. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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