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Animal species are becoming extinct as a result of human activities on land and sea. Why has this happened? What is the solutions? v.2

Animal species are becoming extinct as a result of human activities on land and sea. Why has this happened? What is the solutions? v. 2
It is true that human activities on terrestrial and marine should be held accountable for extinction of animals. Reasons for this vary and steps need to be taken to tackle the problem. There are several reasons why the actions of human pose a danger to endangered species. Water pollution resulting from human activities is of the main reason why animals are on the brink of extinction. For example, product processes discharge chemical waste into the ocean, which can poison animals. Furthermore, environmental degradation caused by deforestation and the industrialization of agriculture act as a catalyst for wildlife extinction. For instance, lowland rainforests have been cleared and hideous high-rise buildings were constructed to meet the demand for the growing human population. If these actions are not prevented, animals will lose their natural habitats. However, the issue described above is not intractable. The simplest measure would be that the governments should impose an official ban on irresponsible disposal of industrial waste. If this policy are adopted, factories will be forced to install waste treatment systems that are environmentally friendly. Another remedy is that national and local authorities should prioritize expenditure on the creation of more wildlife reserves and elimination of poaching to protect endangered species in their natural habitats. For example, the government should provide funding for expending more zoos and safari parks where animals can have freedom to roam, to exhibit their natural behavior and to breed. In conclusion, extinction of animals is attributable for several actions of human. This problem can be handled by adopting the above mentioned solutions.
It is true that
human
activities on terrestrial and marine should
be held
accountable for
extinction
of
animals
. Reasons for this vary and steps need to
be taken
to tackle the problem.

There are several reasons why the actions of
human
pose a
danger
to endangered species. Water pollution resulting from
human
activities is of the main reason why
animals
are on the brink of
extinction
.
For example
, product processes discharge chemical waste into the ocean, which can poison
animals
.
Furthermore
, environmental degradation caused by deforestation and the industrialization of agriculture act as a catalyst for wildlife
extinction
.
For instance
, lowland rainforests have
been cleared
and hideous high-rise buildings
were constructed
to
meet
the demand for the growing
human
population. If these actions are not
prevented
,
animals
will lose their natural habitats.

However
, the issue
described
above is not intractable. The simplest measure would be that the
governments
should impose an official ban on irresponsible disposal of industrial waste. If this policy
are adopted
, factories will
be forced
to install waste treatment systems that are
environmentally
friendly. Another remedy is that national and local authorities should prioritize expenditure on the creation of more wildlife reserves and elimination of poaching to protect endangered species in their natural habitats.
For example
, the
government
should provide funding for expending more zoos and safari parks where
animals
can have freedom to roam, to exhibit their natural behavior and to breed.

In conclusion
,
extinction
of
animals
is attributable for several actions of
human
. This problem can
be handled
by adopting the above mentioned solutions.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Animal species are becoming extinct as a result of human activities on land and sea. Why has this happened? What is the solutions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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