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Many animal species are becoming extinct as a result of human activities. What are the causes and possible solutions to this problem? v.1

Many animal species are becoming extinct as a result of human activities. What are the causes and possible solutions to this problem? v. 1
It is an undeniable fact that most of the creatures are now on the verge of extinction because of the catastrophic human activities. The main causes include the loss of habitat and hunting of animals for various purposes. The solution to this problem will require participation by individuals ranging from the common people to the government officials. To begin with, the major reason of some animal species becoming endangered is the damage caused to their natural habitats. For activities such as road and house construction and making way for fields, deforestation has been carried out by the authorities and the farmers respectively which has drastically impacted the count of wild animals. For instance, the giant panda species have been declared extinct despite the establishment, since 1963, of 14 panda reserves in China. To combat this situation, the regime should chalk out conservation management plans to build more reserves, promote reforestation and protect the forest boundaries. This can substantially contribute in saving the creatures from getting disappeared from the planet. Another significant cause of extinction of many animals involves animal poaching and hunting by humans. Many people illegally use the skin and other body parts of animals for smuggling, which fetches them a whopping sum of money. To illustrate, white tigers and black deers are hunted by many for their skins and teeth, which has led to a shocking decline in their overall count. As a potential solution to this problem, the government should implement stringent laws against illegal hunting of endangered species and more importantly, people should also follow them diligently. To conclude, undoubtedly, thousands of animal types have become either endangered or completely extinct, mainly because of various environmental threats posed by the mankind, such as deforestation and animal-hunting. Such an issue can be controlled to a considerable extent, if authorities introduce heavy penalties against forest destruction and illegal animal hunting, and people also abide by the rules actively.
It is an undeniable fact that most of the creatures are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
on the verge of extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the catastrophic human activities. The main causes include the loss of habitat and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for various purposes. The solution to this problem will require participation by individuals ranging from the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the major reason of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species becoming endangered is the damage caused to their natural habitats. For activities such as road and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
construction and making way for fields, deforestation has
been carried
out by the authorities and the farmers
respectively
which has
drastically
impacted the count of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For instance
, the giant panda species have
been declared
extinct despite the establishment, since 1963, of 14 panda reserves in China. To combat this situation, the regime should chalk out conservation management plans to build more reserves, promote reforestation and protect the forest boundaries. This can
substantially
contribute in saving the creatures from getting disappeared from the planet.

Another significant cause of extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
involves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
poaching and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
by humans.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
illegally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the skin and other body parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for smuggling, which fetches them a whopping sum of money. To illustrate, white tigers and black
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "deer", the plural form of the noun 'deer'?
deers
are hunted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
for their skins and teeth, which has led to a shocking decline in their
overall
count. As a potential solution to this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should implement stringent laws against illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
of endangered species and more
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
follow them
diligently
.

To conclude
,
undoubtedly
, thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
types have become either endangered or completely extinct,
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various environmental threats posed by the mankind, such as deforestation and animal-hunting. Such an issue can
be controlled
to a considerable extent, if authorities introduce heavy penalties against forest destruction and illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
abide by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
actively
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Many animal species are becoming extinct as a result of human activities. What are the causes and possible solutions to this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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