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Many animals are facing extinction in the wild. Why is this happening? What can be done to protect them? v.2

It's undoubtedly true that today's numerous of animals are being exterminated. However, in this essay I will discuss some reasons behind this. First and foremost, without any doubt a huge number of animals have been extinction in various countries because mostly countries make various sort of medicines through animals that are utilise to human life's. Secondly, scientist to create new medicine they use various parts of animals in laboratory to discover cure. The last but not the least, mostly people kill to eat animals for example, in china there animals rate have been decreased because they frequently use animals in their daily lives for several purposes. In addition, there are also other reasons which cause of animals extinction as that there are many predators that are pursuiting of hunt everyday huge number of wild animals they hunt. There are a number of measures that can be helpful in reducing the animals extermination. Let's begin with the government they should have to make a number of regulations for saving animals life's. First, they implement strict punish on those people that hunt to animals. Secondly, the government make such places where animals can keep, and where they can live a peaceful life as well as provide such habitation where all environment contain natural things, and where they can safe from storms. To sum up, in light of the fact that now animals can't live safely. Therefore, government should have to take action immediately so that animals can be safe from extinction.
It's
undoubtedly
true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's numerous of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
being exterminated
.
However
, in this essay I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons behind this.

First
and foremost, without any doubt a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have been extinction in various countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
mostly
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
various sort of medicines through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
that are
Consider using either the past participle “utilised” or the present participle “utilising” here.
utilise
to human life's.
Secondly
, scientist to create new medicine they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
various parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in laboratory to discover cure. The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
kill to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for example
, in
Capitalize this word if you mean the country, not white porcelain.
china
there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
rate have
been decreased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for several purposes.

In addition
, there are
also
other reasons which cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
extinction as that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
predators that are
Possible spelling mistake found.
pursuiting
of hunt everyday huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
they hunt. There are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of measures that can be helpful in reducing the
An apostrophe may be missing.
animals
extermination.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
they should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of regulations for saving
An apostrophe may be missing.
animals
life's.
First
, they implement strict punish on those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that hunt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
such places where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
, and where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a peaceful life
as well
as provide such habitation where all environment
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: “contains”.
contain
natural things, and where they can
The word “safe” is an adjective/noun. Did you mean the verb “save”?
safe
from storms.

To sum up, in light of the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
safely
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take action immediately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can be safe from extinction.
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IELTS essay Many animals are facing extinction in the wild. Why is this happening? What can be done to protect them?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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