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Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres. How does this affect the environment and the people’s life style? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions. Support your answer with specific reasons and examples. v.2

Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres. How does this affect the environment and the people’s life style? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions. Support your answer with specific reasons and examples. v. 2
Eating junk food frequently due to changing lifestyles has adverse effects on the health of the people. While some people believe that there is an immediate need to explain the problems faced as a result of eating them, some individuals argue that educating the people will not make any significant impact. In my opinion, educating citizens about the consequences of eating un-hygienic food will definitely bring a positive change. To begin with, few health experts argue that there is an urgent necessity to organise a structured campaign to spread awareness among the public about the ill-effects of consuming outside food. This will help make people understand the problems caused and get rid of epidemic health issues. For instance, the government of Thailand has started a door to door campaign in all the cities and suburbs to explain the rise of Type-C diabetes due to consuming junk eatables. These kind of awareness events should be encouraged by every country. On the other hand, some individuals believe that educating people will not change the current scenario. They feel that due to the fast paced lifestyle and busy schedules, people are dependant on eating instant food rather than preparing them at home as every individual has to go to work due to increasing expenditure in cities. For example, most companies provide stipulated amount of food coupons where individuals are encouraged to eat outside food. For this reason, it will not have much impact on the current trend of eating junk. To conclude, Although some people argue that creating awareness does not make any impact, I strongly believe that it's our responsibility to educate common people on ill-effects caused by taking unhealthy food.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Eating
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
frequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to changing lifestyles has adverse effects on the health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there is an immediate need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the problems faced
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
argue that educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any significant impact. In my opinion, educating citizens about the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-hygienic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will definitely bring a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, few health experts argue that there is an urgent necessity to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
a structured campaign to spread awareness among the public about the ill-effects of consuming outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand the problems caused and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of epidemic health issues.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Thailand has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
door to door
campaign in all the cities and suburbs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the rise of Type-C diabetes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to consuming junk eatables.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of awareness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
should
be encouraged
by every country.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
believe that educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario. They feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced lifestyle and busy schedules,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Did you mean "dependent" on?
dependant
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rather
than preparing them at home as every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
go to work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to increasing expenditure in cities.
For example
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
provide stipulated amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
coupons where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are encouraged
to eat outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
For this reason
, it will not have much impact on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
junk.

To conclude
, Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that creating awareness does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any impact, I
strongly
believe that it's our responsibility to educate common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on ill-effects caused by taking unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres. How does this affect the environment and the people’s life style? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions. Support your answer with specific reasons and examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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