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Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. v. 5
Nowadays, technology is developed too much. Some people believe that it is unnecessary to renew the public libraries because it is totally wastage of the capital of the country while, it will be replaced by the computers. I partially agree with this statement because of the reasons discussing in an upcoming paragraph. Firstly, libraries are important for students and people having hobbies of reading. Libraries are important for the pupils because learners can get a wide range of study material in the library. To illustrate, students can study in libraries while their exams because it is a quite and a peaceful place moreover, they can fully concentrate on their studies. In addition the adults who love to reading books can get a huge number of books in the libraries and they can read the books in which they are interested. For example, some adults do not know how to operate the computers so libraries are a better place for adults to read books. Secondly, government can also develop the other sectors also such as hospitals and education because now in the modern world the teenagers and youngsters do not have any interest towards the libraries. For instance, due to developed technology people can get all the material on their computers and mobile phones. Rather than, nowadays people are too busy in their life they do not have much time to visit libraries and read books there even they can use their mobile phones and computers for reading books and for other purposes. To summarize, people believe that maintaining public libraries is a wastage of money because of the developments like computers we can get all the data and libraries are also important because of adult people who love reading books at quite place.
Nowadays, technology
is developed
too much.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is unnecessary to renew the public libraries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
totally
wastage of the capital of the country while, it will
be replaced
by the computers. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons discussing in an upcoming paragraph.

Firstly
, libraries are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for students and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having hobbies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. Libraries are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
learners can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a wide range of study material in the library. To illustrate, students can study in libraries while their exams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a quite and a peaceful place
moreover
, they can
fully
concentrate on their studies. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
libraries and
they can read the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in which they
are interested
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
do not know how to operate the computers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
libraries are a better place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to read books.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
also
develop the other sectors
also
such as hospitals and education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in the modern world the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and youngsters do not have any interest towards the libraries.
For instance
, due to developed technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the material on their computers and mobile phones.
Rather
than, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are too busy in their life they do not have much time to visit libraries and read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
there even they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their mobile phones and computers for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and for other purposes.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that maintaining public libraries is a wastage of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the developments like computers we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the data and libraries are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
at quite place.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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