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In the past museums stored information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found through Internet. And, therefore, there is no need for museums. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

In the past museums stored information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found through Internet. And, therefore, there is no need for museums. v. 3
The advancing role technology plays in storing information have led people to question the need for museums. In my opinion, I strongly believe that regardless of the modern source of storing this news museum must remain. To begin with, one major reason why the museums must remain is that it serves as an educational tool for learners in school. In other words, students from diverse schools around the world visit museums as a means of acquiring knowledge about the arts and crafts in the place. A situation whereby educational places like these are closed down, this could affect the child's ability to learn about the history of a place. For example, ever since the National Museum in Lagos closed down, there has been a reported low performance of students in the history subject. Another reason why museums must remain is that some of the information contained on the internet might be wrong and outdated. To put in another way, details about craft placed online might not be updated on a regular basis as a result of the internet not having direct access to the museum. In order to prevent the public from being misled it is, therefore, necessary that the original sources of this information remain open. For instance, it has been reported by the National Association of Museums in Nigeria that eighty percent of the information available on the net is wrong. In order to prevent learning from such sources, it is therefore paramount that an individual visits the Museum for an undiluted source of knowledge. To conclude, in order to prevent the spread of outdated information, it is essential that the museums remain open. This essay has argued that museums must not close down as information garnered from there can help students academically.
The advancing role technology plays in storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
have led
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to question the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. In my opinion, I
strongly
believe that regardless of the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of storing this news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
remain.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one major reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remain
is that it serves as an educational tool for learners in school.
In other words
, students from diverse schools around the world visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
as a means of acquiring knowledge about the arts and crafts in the place. A situation whereby educational places like these
are closed
down, this could affect the child's ability to learn about the history of a place.
For example
, ever since the National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
in Lagos closed down, there has been a reported low performance of students in the history subject.

Another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remain
is that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
contained on the internet might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and outdated. To put in another way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about craft placed online might not
be updated
on a regular basis
as a result
of the internet not having direct access to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the public from
being misled
it is,
therefore
, necessary that the original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remain
open.
For instance
, it has
been reported
by the National Association of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
in Nigeria that eighty percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
available on the net is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
learning from such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
, it is
therefore
paramount that an individual visits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
for an undiluted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of knowledge.

To conclude
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the spread of outdated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, it is essential that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remain
open. This essay has argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not close down as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
garnered from there can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students
academically
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay In the past museums stored information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found through Internet. And, therefore, there is no need for museums. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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