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Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money, since computer technology can replace their functions. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money, since computer technology can replace their functions. v. 2
The technology of computer has provided numerous information so that investing money on public library's maintenance is considered wasteful. I, completely, disagree with this statement, although the internet has given myriads of data regarding any topic, reading books sitting in a library has its own benefits. First and foremost, the computer is delivering lots of data through the internet. For that reason, people are able to fetch any types of news siting any Corner of the world. Furthermore, these days, people are very busy for their hectic schedule, so they cannot go to the library. Hence, only the internet is envisaged people’s reliable sources. Moreover, cities have also become congested for commuters who do not find any vehicles in the pick hour to reach the library. For example, studies have shown that 99% of people in mega cities are facing traffic problem, so most of the students leave the idea of going to the library. They prefer to study online. On the contrary, public libraries are the best option to study for many reasons, so that the government needs to repair these libraries very often. The first reason is that older people are technophobes, they take an interest in the study sitting in the library. In addition, online sources are inaccurate and unreliable, while the information written on books is considered reliable. For instance, the people who wrote any news before the night and uploaded it at that time; however they may do this for their own interest. After that, if they see, their information is creating havoc. Then they can erase it. Such types of activities are impossible to published book. Therefore, public libraries are necessary and should be maintained by the government. In conclusion, while online provides lots of information, people cannot deny the value of having a public library. From my perspective, I would say that the authorities should look after the public library for the sake of its authenticity.
The technology of computer has provided numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that investing money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
library's maintenance
is considered
wasteful. I, completely, disagree with this statement, although the internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
myriads of data regarding any topic, reading books sitting in a library has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits.

First
and foremost, the computer is delivering lots of data through the internet. For that reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to fetch any types of news siting any Corner of the world.
Furthermore
, these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy for their hectic schedule,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot go to the library.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the internet
is envisaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
reliable sources.
Moreover
, cities have
also
become congested for commuters who do not find any vehicles in the pick hour to reach the library.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
have shown that 99% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in mega cities are facing traffic problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
most of the students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of going to the library. They prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
online.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries are the best option to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to repair these libraries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
. The
first
reason is that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are technophobes, they take an interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
sitting in the library.
In addition
, online sources are inaccurate and unreliable, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
written on books
is considered
reliable.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who wrote any news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the night and uploaded it at that time;
however
they may do this for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interest. After that, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is creating havoc. Then they can erase it. Such types of activities are impossible to published book.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries are necessary and should
be maintained
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, while online provides lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot deny the value of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
library. From my perspective, I would say that the authorities should look after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
library for the sake of its authenticity.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money, since computer technology can replace their functions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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