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Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? v.6

The older people which shows improvements of health that over the age of sixty five can live actively and passionately. The older people can gives benefit from their contribution for the society. These benefits are twofold. First of all, it is a farming that can make the elderly becoming active and productive. Farming is a useful activities that often done by the older people, because, farming also can overcoming stress. For example, many older people in District Kuranji doing farming. Even though in District Kuranji there were older people made farmers groups and already have their own garden, they grown ornamental trees, flowers and fruits. If in their garden has plants which has fruits, they will shared together. Additionally, they even have a special schedule for farming. Secondly, processing of waste plastics into souvenirs. Many plastic waste produced by all people in the world every day. Because of that, the older people make their passionately to reduce the plastic waste. Besides, this activity is very useful to make the older people have active lives, the waste of plastic in the world produced into new stuff. For example, souvenirs, home decorations, and bags. Because this programs, the society to be interest with plastic waste which has become new stuff. By way the conclusion, in my view the older people can gives benefit from their contribution in some useful activity.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
improvements of health that over the age of
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
sixty five
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
actively
and
passionately
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gives benefit from their contribution for the society. These benefits are twofold.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the elderly becoming active and productive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Farming
is
The plural noun “activities” cannot be used with the article “a”. Did you mean “a useful activity”?
a useful activities
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
done by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
also
can
The modal verb ‘can’ requires the verb’s base form.
overcoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in District
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kuranji
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
.
Even though
in District
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kuranji
there were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
made farmers groups and already have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
garden, they
You used a past participle without using any required verb (‘be’ or ‘have’).
grown


ornamental trees, flowers and fruits. If in their garden has plants which has fruits, they will
The modal verb ‘will’ requires the verb’s base form.
shared
together.
Additionally
, they even have a special schedule for farming.

Secondly
, processing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastics
into souvenirs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
produced by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world every day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
passionately
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
.
Besides
, this activity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have active
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
in the world produced into new stuff.
For example
, souvenirs, home decorations, and bags.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
this programs, the society to be interest with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
which has become new stuff.

By way the conclusion, in my view the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gives benefit from their contribution in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some


useful activity.
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IELTS essay Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In the ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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