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Some people think that goverment is wasting money on the arts, and that this money could be spent elsewhere. To what extent to you agree with this view? v.1

Some people think that goverment is wasting money on the arts, and that this money could be spent elsewhere. v. 1
Few people consider that the regime is spending wealth on the arts, also that this money should be spent somewhere which is better for the society. While I disagree that the spending capital on art is a waste of resources, I do feel that some funding should be allocated for the welfare of the public. To begin with, arts is an essential part of culture which allows people not only to express their creativity, but also their opinions, their feelings and emotions. For instance, arts institutions organizing different events provide a great opportunity to artists not only to share their ideas with the public, but also to shed light on the critical social issues. Art shows to future generations which they remember that how our ancient people fought for our nation, our culture, and for our society. Therefore the ministry should support this idea and put some resources to it. However, secondly spending on the arts, ministry should not forget to fulfil the basic public needs, it is occasionally observed when election time comes. For example, In the India power spend crores of wage to build a statue instead of spending it for poor people or for hospitals, schools and many more. Which is helpful for needy citizens. To make a powerful national union should support them to come into the light of the vast growing world. In conclusion, while others people opinion may vary, in my view, there is no waste of fund in supporting the arts, but the welfare of the public should be the top priority of the politics when it comes to allocation of resource.
Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that the regime is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
wealth on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
also
that this money should
be spent
somewhere which is better for the society. While I disagree that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
capital on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a waste of resources, I do feel that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
funding should
be allocated
for the welfare of the public.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is an essential part of culture which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to express their creativity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their opinions, their feelings and emotions.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
institutions organizing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
provide a great opportunity to artists not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with the public,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to shed light on the critical social issues.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
to future generations which they remember that how our ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fought for our nation, our culture, and for our society.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the ministry should support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
resources to it.

However
,
secondly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, ministry should not forget to fulfil the basic public needs, it is
occasionally
observed when election time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
.
For example
, In the India power spend crores of wage to build a statue
instead
of
The usual prepositions that follow 'spend it' are either "on" or 'in'. Did you mean "spend it on"?
spending it for
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or for hospitals, schools and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. Which is helpful for needy citizens. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a powerful national union should support them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into the light of the vast growing world.

In conclusion
, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opinion may vary, in my view, there is no waste of fund in supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the welfare of the public should be the top priority of the politics when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to allocation of resource.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that goverment is wasting money on the arts, and that this money could be spent elsewhere. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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