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Living in large cities today poses many problems for people. What are these problems? Should governments encourage more people to live in smaller towns? v.1

Living in large cities today poses many problems for people. What are these problems? Should governments encourage more people to live in smaller towns? v. 1
It is true that big cities cause numerous difficulties for the residents. While several problems can be considered, I agree with the viewpoint that the states can tackle these problems with shifting the population to other towns. If a big city occupies with overloaded population, it will lead to different challenges for people and society, because of the following reasons. Firstly, a great number of people who live in a big city always cause air pollution, since they normally prefer to use their personal cars. Consequently, this issue would jeopardize the residents’ health. Secondly, governments would have severe problems to provide facilities for these intensive population. Finally, it has been proved that in big cities people usually reside with distinct cultures and religions, and this fact would create conflicts among the citizens of a large city. The beliefs can be different between cultures; for instance, while something is not problematic in one society, it would be annoying and offensive to another one. However, governments can encourage people to migrate small towns instead of crowded cities. States should allocate proper funds for the reconstruction of small towns. They also have to provide recreation facilities to attract families to other lands of the country. It would be beneficial for people and state, if the population distributed properly across the county. Therefore, states are the main regulator of this issue, and residents of large cities will cooperate with the government, when they perceive that can opt for another option with better concessions. In conclusion, living in a crowded city, like capitals would be annoying for not only citizens but also the state, and states can tackle the problem with providing facilities in small towns.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
cause numerous difficulties for the residents. While several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be considered
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the viewpoint that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
can tackle these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with shifting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
to other towns.

If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city occupies with overloaded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, it will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
challenges for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons.
Firstly
, a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city always cause air pollution, since they
normally
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their personal cars.
Consequently
, this issue would jeopardize the residents’ health.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
would have severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to provide facilities for these intensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
Finally
, it has
been proved
that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
reside with distinct cultures and religions, and this fact would create conflicts among the citizens of a large city. The beliefs can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
between cultures;
for instance
, while something is not problematic in one society, it would be annoying and offensive to another one.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to migrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns
instead
of crowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
should allocate proper funds for the reconstruction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns. They
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide recreation facilities to attract families to other lands of the country. It would be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
distributed
properly
across the county.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
are the main regulator of this issue, and residents of large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will cooperate with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, when they perceive that can opt for another option with better concessions.

In conclusion
, living in a crowded city, like capitals would be annoying for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
can tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with providing facilities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Living in large cities today poses many problems for people. What are these problems? Should governments encourage more people to live in smaller towns? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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