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When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. v. 2
Setting up a new town always puts lot of excitement in the minds of people who wish to explore places. It is essential for the developers to keep this in mind in order to build a commotion free society. The discussion of what the basic essentials should be included in the new place is always a heated argument. While few people agree that parks and sports ground are essential, few others require malls or shopping centres to entertain themselves. I completely agree to the former as it helps to build an eco-friendly area. On one hand, we must agree to the fact that we live in a busy world. Hence, every individual is in a need of getting relieved from stress. For instance, a recent news article in the famous newspaper ‘The Hindu” stated that 90% of the people who visit the shopping centres in Chennai are IT professionals working in the Multi-National companies. They prefer to visit these places to watch movies and have lunch with their friends to get themselves freed from their hectic schedule. Thus, people feel that they get rejuvenated when new town has emphasis building malls or shopping centers. On the other hand, people require basic amenities like parks, gym or sports facilities to take care of their health. Not only helps every individual but also the society at large by creating an eco-friendly environment. To best illustrate this, my cousin lives in an apartment which is surrounded by a beautiful garden and a park which makes his place a pleasant one and reduces the humidity in the nearby areas. Additionally, building parks and sports ground increases the opportunity for children to play outdoor and motivates people to use the ground for some sports which in turn enhances their health. Thus to conclude, although people are in need of entertainment in their busy schedule. It is necessary to take care of the environment and the health of the people in the society. Hence I completely agree that emphasizing on building parks and sports centres rather than shopping malls would help in creating a pollution free environment.
Setting up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
town always puts
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
excitement in the minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who wish to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. It is essential for the developers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
this in mind in order to build a commotion free society. The discussion of what the basic essentials should
be included
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
is always a heated argument. While few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
ground are essential, few others require malls or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to entertain themselves. I completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
to the former as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to build an eco-friendly area.

On one hand, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
to the fact that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a busy world.
Hence
, every individual is in a need of getting relieved from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For instance
, a recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
article in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
newspaper ‘The Hindu” stated that 90% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
in Chennai are IT professionals working in the Multi-National
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. They prefer to visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies and have lunch with their friends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
themselves freed from their hectic schedule.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rejuvenated when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
town has emphasis building malls or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require basic amenities like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
, gym or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities to take care of their health. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
every individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the society at large by creating an eco-friendly environment. To best illustrate this, my cousin
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in an apartment which
is surrounded
by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
garden and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
a pleasant one and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the humidity in the nearby areas.
Additionally
, building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
ground increases the opportunity for children to play outdoor and motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the ground for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which in turn enhances their health.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
to conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in need of entertainment in their busy schedule. It is necessary to take care of the environment and the health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
I completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
that emphasizing on building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in creating a pollution free environment.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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