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If you got extra money, would you save the money or spend it immediately? Include reasons and details to support your explanation. v.1

If you got extra money, would you save the money or spend it immediately? Include reasons and details to support your explanation. v. 1
Use and throw lifestyle has been widely adopted in many places of the world, Where electronic items, house hold items and other materials are used for a small period of time and then later disposed away. This essay will analyse the reason and issues associated with this kind of lifestyle. In this fast changing lifestyle people tend to replace things much quicker. The cost of electronic items and other household items are getting cheaper day by day with decent quality and availability, however the cost of repairing the items are increasing sharply, due to manual labour costs and expense on the parts. For example, replacing a mobile phone after 6 months is cheaper and affordable than repairing the motherboard of the device. Also, phone models are getting outdated quickly, which makes it attractive to buy a new one instead of fixing or holding on to the existing phone. On the other side, the environmental damage, financial burden and depreciation on things are high with this behaviour. People tend to overspend money on items by purchasing the items even though the a new one was not necessary. Due this behaviour, the environment is affected as wasted materials need to be dumped into the waste yard or in a landfill. In addition the object losses its value significantly. For instance, a new car driven out of the showroom losses its value by 10% on the same day, replacing car on a short is mere waste of money. In conclusion, Replacing items frequently is seen as attractive due to affordable cost, quality and high repair cost. However, this also severely impacts the environment, lifestyle and economic situation. So care must be taken on the things that are thrown away without a proper reason.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Use
and throw lifestyle has been
widely
adopted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places of the world, Where electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and other materials are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
period of time and then later disposed away. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the reason and issues associated with this kind of lifestyle.

In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
changing lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to replace things much quicker. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and other household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
are getting cheaper day by day with decent quality and availability,
however
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of repairing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
are increasing
sharply
, due to manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
and expense on the parts.
For example
, replacing a mobile phone after 6 months is cheaper and affordable than repairing the motherboard of the device.
Also
, phone models are getting outdated
quickly
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it attractive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a new one
instead
of fixing or holding on to the existing phone.

On the other side, the environmental damage, financial burden and depreciation on things are high with this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
tend to overspend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
by purchasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
even though
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
new one was not necessary.
Did you mean to use the verb "do"?
Due
this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, the environment is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
as wasted materials need to
be dumped
into the waste yard or in a landfill. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
the object losses its value
significantly
.
For instance
, a new car driven out of the showroom losses its value by 10% on the same day, replacing car on a short is mere waste of money.

In conclusion
, Replacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
frequently
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as attractive due to affordable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
, quality and high repair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
.
However
, this
also
severely
impacts the environment, lifestyle and economic situation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
on the things that
are thrown
away without a proper reason.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay If you got extra money, would you save the money or spend it immediately? Include reasons and details to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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