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Libraries should be shut down as better alternatives are available To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Libraries should be shut down as better alternatives are available v. 1
It is an undeniable fact that children must learn the distinction between right and wrong starting from a young age. It is often argued that punishment is important to help them learn this difference. However, I somehow disagree with this viewpoint as I believe that children can understand this distinction by love and care instead of chastising them. Firstly, punishment might make children more violent and curb them to rebel against their parents. However, if a child is made to understand the difference between right and wrong through love, care and understanding, it is possible to avoid this violent behaviour. A survey done by a toddler's institution found that children who were never given a punishment, neither in school nor at home, were more well mannered and patient as compared to children who were given punishments. Nevertheless, it is an indisputable fact that children nowadays are more rebellious than the previous generation and sometimes parents or teachers might feel that a stringent method should be used to instill good behaviour in children. In cases like this, it is fair to turn to punishments like grounding or giving them detention or more homework. Teachers can also complain to the higher authorities if the matter gets serious. Moreover, corporal punishments should be avoided at all costs as it will make the youngsters resentful and make the matters worse. In conclusion, to make children understand the rights and wrongs of a situation, it is sometimes essential to use non physical punishments. However, it is possible that in the majority of the situations, the young ones will understand with simple talks laden with love and care.
It is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn the distinction between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
starting from a young age. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them learn this difference.
However
, I somehow disagree with this viewpoint as I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
this distinction by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care
instead
of chastising them.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more violent and curb them to rebel against their parents.
However
, if a child
is made
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the difference between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, care and understanding, it is possible to avoid this violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. A survey done by a toddler's institution found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who were never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, neither in school nor at home, were more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well mannered
and patient as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
punishments.

Nevertheless
, it is an indisputable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays are more rebellious than the previous generation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
parents or teachers might feel that a stringent method should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to instill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In cases like this, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to turn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
like grounding or giving them detention or more homework. Teachers can
also
complain to the higher authorities if the matter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
serious.
Moreover
, corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
should
be avoided
at all costs as it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the youngsters resentful and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the matters worse.

In conclusion
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the rights and wrongs of a situation, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
.
However
, it is possible that in the majority of the situations, the young ones will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
with simple talks laden with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Libraries should be shut down as better alternatives are available v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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