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Some psychologists recommend that to overcome stresses in daily life we should do nothing at all for a period of time of the day. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some psychologists recommend that to overcome stresses in daily life we should do nothing at all for a period of time of the day. v. 3
The past decade has seen a tremendous decrease in the gender biases. It is often argued that universities should have the same amount of men and women in all the subjects they teach. I strongly agree with the given notion. First of all, it is an indisputable fact that women have always been related to doing household chores and men has been considered as the sole breadwinner in the family. Despite this parochial notion, women have now started to fight for their rights and their educational rights. Hence, to further reduce gender disparity in jobs, it is essential that both the genders are equally present in the classes. Moreover, it is a general trend in most of the universities to have a greater proportion of males in their classes. The result of this unfair trend is that females feel under appreciated and many resort to taking care of their home and family. If the universities break this gender barrier, it will make the females more confident and as a result they can thrive in their respective careers. Secondly, it is now seen that women are more successful than men in many tasks. For instance, there are now more female doctors emerging than male doctors. A recent report by the Indian board of education showed that in 2018, 60% of the women graduated in 1st division as compared to only 40% of the men. Therefore, accepting an equal fraction of women in colleges as the men will also improve the reputation of the college. In conclusion, for a nation to grow and succeed in every major field, it is essential that both the genders are present in all the occupations. For this, it is salient that universities start to accept equal number of both the genders in their classes.
The past decade has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a tremendous decrease in the gender biases. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should have the same amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in all the subjects they teach. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is an indisputable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have always
been related
to doing household chores and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
has
been considered
as the sole breadwinner in the family. Despite this parochial notion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to fight for their rights and their educational rights.
Hence
, to
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
gender disparity in jobs, it is essential that both the genders are
equally
present in the classes.
Moreover
, it is a general trend in most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
to have a greater proportion of males in their classes. The result of this unfair trend is that females feel under appreciated and
Possible agreement error. The noun resort seems to be countable; consider using: "many resorts".
many resort
to taking care of their home and family. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
break this gender barrier, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the females more confident and
as a result
they can thrive in their respective careers.

Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more successful than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more female doctors emerging than male doctors. A recent report by the Indian board of education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that in 2018, 60% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
graduated in 1st division as compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
40% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Therefore
, accepting an equal fraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in colleges as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the reputation of the college.

In conclusion
, for a nation to grow and succeed in every major field, it is essential that both the genders are present in all the occupations. For this, it is salient that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to accept equal number of both the genders in their classes.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some psychologists recommend that to overcome stresses in daily life we should do nothing at all for a period of time of the day. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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