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Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions. v.5

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions. v. 5
Recently, the increase in the crime rate among young people has been considered as a pressing issue in many parts of the world. However, before some feasible measures can be offered, it is necessary to figure out the underlying causes of the growth in youth-perpetrated crime. To begin with, living in a dysfunctional family emerges as the root cause of this phenomenon. As a matter of fact, most of the parents do not give their children sufficient attention owing to their hectic work schedules as they believe that by striving to get involved in lucrative jobs, they can enable their children to have a bright future. Consequently, these neglected children will be likely to engage in delinquent activities to draw their parents’ attention. Besides, watching movies with violent content would also be a trigger for the growth of crime. By having frequent exposure to films containing sensitive and unsuitable scenes without parental guidance, adolescents are more likely to imitate negative behaviour, such as assault, rape and even murder. Fortunately, a few steps can be taken to mitigate this problem. Firstly, parents should spend quality time with their kids since family time has a great impact on children’s cognitive development and behaviour. According to a research gathered by Family Facts, those who have a close-knit family are less likely to engage in illegal activities. Moreover, parents should also impose some constraints on the amount of time of staring at technological devices’ screens and make sure if the content is appropriate for children. Besides, by focusing on educating children socially and emotionally, both parents and schools can immensely keep committing crimes among teenagers at bay. In conclusion, the crime wave among young people can link to the lack of family attention, supervision and negative effects that violent films have on children. However, taking care more of these kids and schooling them both socially and emotionally are viable ways to tackle this issue.
Recently, the increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been considered
as a pressing issue in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible measures can
be offered
, it is necessary to figure out the underlying causes of the growth in youth-perpetrated crime.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, living in a dysfunctional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
emerges as the root cause of this phenomenon. As a matter of fact, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
sufficient attention owing to their hectic work schedules as they believe that by striving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in lucrative jobs, they can enable their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a bright future.
Consequently
, these neglected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be likely to engage in delinquent activities to draw their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
attention.
Besides
, watching movies with violent content would
also
be a trigger for the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. By having frequent exposure to films containing sensitive and unsuitable scenes without parental guidance, adolescents are more likely to imitate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, such as assault, rape and even murder.

Fortunately
, a few steps can
be taken
to mitigate this problem.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend quality time with their kids since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
time has a great impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
cognitive development and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. According to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
gathered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
Facts, those who have a close-knit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are less likely to engage in illegal activities.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
also
impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
constraints on the amount of time of staring at technological devices’ screens and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure if the content is appropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Besides
, by focusing on educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
socially
and
emotionally
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and schools can
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
at bay.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
wave among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can link to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
attention, supervision and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects that violent films have on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, taking care more of these kids and schooling them both
socially
and
emotionally
are viable ways to tackle this issue.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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