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Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in the most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this and suggest some solutions? v.1

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in the most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this and suggest some solutions? v. 1
In recent years, all around the world have been warned the increase in the levels of lawlessness from junior generation. Therefore, this essay will discuss the reasons and provide some possible solutions. First of all, the reasons come from level of family. If parents want their children to grow up in a balanced way, it is undeniable that their children are nurtured well. However, these days, by peer pressure or developed society pressure, some children are neglected because of the fact that many parents in cities both have to work, so are often not around to give their children support when needed. Another factor is the booming of social networks without censorship; for example: nowadays, it is not difficult to find some browsers with violence or pornographic contents on the Internet. Besides, the first reason is supported strongly for the second one because young generation has not received a good education from their family, so they uncontrollable mature and it is one of the worse ways to mimic the detrimental behaviour. Last but not least, next comes the increasing levels of poverty around the world. People have seen with the globalization, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, and this inevitably means that those who are poorer will have to resort becoming guilty, which include the children in the poorest families. On the other hand, there are ways to tackle such problems. Firstly, one of the best ways to combat the problem is increasing the timing of nurture the children. For example, father, mother or both needs to spend more time with their children. It is not only to nurture the children, but also provide them the best way to develop and avoid the bad impact of society. Another solution is to have stricter punishments. Although, as discussed above, it can be outside factors that lead to crime, it is still important to have severe punishments to deter teenagers from crime. All too often, because they are young, the courts are too lenient, and parents also have to take more responsibility for their children´s actions; for instance, they should be punished if their children commit crime.
In recent years, all around the world have
been warned
the increase in the levels of lawlessness from junior generation.
Therefore
, this essay will discuss the reasons and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from level of family. If parents want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow up in a balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
, it is undeniable that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are nurtured
well.
However
, these days, by peer pressure or developed society pressure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are neglected
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents in cities both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not around to give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
support when needed. Another factor is the booming of social networks without censorship;
for example
: nowadays, it is not difficult to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
browsers with violence or pornographic contents on the Internet.
Besides
, the
first
reason
is supported
strongly
for the second one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young generation has not received a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education from their family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they uncontrollable mature and it is one of the worse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to mimic the detrimental
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
next
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the increasing levels of poverty around the world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
with the globalization, the rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
richer and the poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
poorer, and this
inevitably
means that those who are poorer will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
resort becoming guilty, which include the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the poorest families.

On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to tackle such problems.
Firstly
, one of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to combat the problem is increasing the timing of nurture the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, father, mother or both needs to spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to nurture the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide them the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to develop and avoid the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact of society. Another solution is to have stricter punishments. Although, as discussed above, it can be outside factors that lead to crime, it is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have severe punishments to deter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
from crime. All too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are young, the courts are too lenient, and parents
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take more responsibility for their
The character between 'children' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "children’s" (curly apostrophe) or "children's" (straight apostrophe).
children´s
actions;
for instance
, they should
be punished
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
commit crime.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in the most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this and suggest some solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
358 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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