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Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and what solutions can be suggested? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.10

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and what solutions can be suggested? v. 10
Recently, it has been observed in our major cities that the level of criminality is on the increase among our young ones. This essay is going to present the absence of good role models as the main aetiology, while also suggesting the introduction of rational punishment with appropriate rehabilitative services as the most viable solution to this menace. Clearly, the acute shortage of positive mentors is one of the main reasons for this problem. We live in a world where bad people, as well as criminals are the most successful when it comes to finance. Therefore, adolescents and young adults view these kind of people as the role model, thus, adopting their law breaking way of life. For example, Derrico a notorious armed robber in Nigeria got his motivations from successful criminals he met in the slum while growing up. But should the government do something about this? However, hope is not lost because our leaders should institute an adequate reprimand in the form of detention in juvenile homes, and jail time in serious infractions. As a result, this will serve as a deterrent to would be offenders. Moreover, if our youths observe that criminals are being punished severely, they would be discouraged about picking up law breaking endeavours. For instance the Nigerian government was able to reduce teenage drug related infractions, after passing legislation to punish offenders as an adult when arrested. In conclusion, adolescent and young adults of nowadays are breaking law at an alarming rate due to exposure to bad influences, and thus, this trend can be combated by rational reprimand, in the form of prison, as well as juvenile rehabilitation facilities, so that young ones will be discouraged.
Recently, it has
been observed
in our major cities that the level of criminality is on the increase among our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. This essay is going to present the absence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
role models as the main
Possible spelling mistake. 'aetiology' is British English.
aetiology
, while
also
suggesting the introduction of rational punishment with appropriate rehabilitative services as the most viable solution to this menace.

Clearly
, the acute shortage of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mentors is one of the main reasons for this problem. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
as well
as criminals are the most successful when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to finance.
Therefore
, adolescents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults view
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as the role model,
thus
, adopting their law breaking way of life.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Derrico
a notorious armed robber in Nigeria
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
his motivations from successful criminals he met in the slum while growing up.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
should the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
do something about this?

However
, hope is not lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our leaders should institute an adequate reprimand in the form of detention in juvenile homes, and jail time in serious infractions.
As a result
, this will serve as a deterrent to would be offenders.
Moreover
, if our youths observe that criminals are
being punished
severely
, they would
be discouraged
about picking up law breaking
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
.
For instance
the Nigerian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
teenage drug related infractions, after passing legislation to punish offenders as an adult when arrested.

In conclusion
, adolescent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults of nowadays are breaking law at an alarming rate due to exposure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences, and
thus
, this trend can
be combated
by rational reprimand, in the form of prison,
as well
as juvenile rehabilitation facilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
will
be discouraged
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and what solutions can be suggested? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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