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Levels of young crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.2

Levels of young crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions. v. 2
The world large cities are experiencing a dramatic surge of offensive crimes committed mainly by young people. I believe, that there are certain reasons behind that. The growing number of unemployment, lack of education and the availability of addictive drugs, all lie behind these gloomy figures. To begin with, The economical situation of the world is swinging between an uprise and downside curve. And with frequent hits to business, the percentage of unemployed persons rises up resulted in jobless youth generation sitting in the streets representing an easy pray recruited by sideways gangs to commit an offensive unlawful act. An example of that, what happened after 2008 in the United States markets with financial recession that involves all the different sectors of US economy. Unsurprisingly, the climbing rates of killing, robbing and hand lifting were high. In addition, the lack of education plays an important role in promoting such felonies. The constant rise, of students leaving their schools, looking for jobs to support their poor families, is a noticeable factor that helps gangsters to put them under their wings. Lastly but not the least, the availability of addictive drugs which represent a safe haven for those kids to escape the bitterness of real life situation. These drugs detach their minds from reality which at the end they, unconsciously, murder innocent personals and do other sins that terrorise the community. I think that, it is the responsibility of the government to tackle and eradicate the causative seeds for such growing insecurities among the society of metropolitan cities. We need to provide the markets with a constant flow of work positions and focus on the importance of school attendance. Moreover, fighting drug dealers with police being available everywhere in the walkways of slum regions. In conclusion, to decrease the number of victims in an urban society, we need to boost our economy, fight illiteracy and eliminate addiction from the community.
The world large cities are experiencing a dramatic surge of offensive crimes committed
mainly
by young
people
. I believe, that there are certain reasons behind that. The growing number of unemployment, lack of education and the availability of addictive
drugs
, all lie behind these gloomy figures.

To
begin
with, The
economical
situation of the world is swinging between an uprise and downside curve. And with frequent hits to business, the percentage of unemployed persons rises up resulted in jobless youth generation sitting in the streets representing an easy pray recruited by sideways gangs to commit an offensive unlawful act. An example of that, what happened after 2008 in the United States markets with financial recession that involves all the
different
sectors of US economy.
Unsurprisingly
, the climbing rates of killing, robbing and hand lifting were high.
In addition
, the lack of education plays an
important
role in promoting such felonies. The constant rise, of students leaving their schools, looking for jobs to support their poor families, is a noticeable factor that
helps
gangsters to put them under their wings.
Lastly
but
not the least, the availability of addictive
drugs
which represent a safe haven for those kids to escape the bitterness of real life situation. These
drugs
detach their minds from reality which at the
end
they,
unconsciously
, murder innocent personals and do other sins that
terrorise
the community.

I
think
that, it is the responsibility of the
government
to tackle and eradicate the causative seeds for such growing insecurities among the society of metropolitan cities. We need to provide the markets with a constant flow of work positions and focus on the importance of school attendance.
Moreover
, fighting
drug
dealers with police being available everywhere in the walkways of slum regions.

In conclusion
, to decrease the number of victims in an urban society, we need to boost our economy, fight illiteracy and eliminate addiction from the community.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Levels of young crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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