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Levels of young crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.1

Levels of young crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions. v. 1
Number of crime that happened which contributed by young generation and teenagers are increasing in a faster rate compare to last time. This is one of the serious phenomenon that occur in our daily life. This essay will demonstrate some of the reasons which associated with this problem and provide some methods to avoid it. First and foremost, one of the principal reason for the rapid increase in the levels of youth crime is arise from parents behavior. Parents play an important role in children development. Other than that, children personality is significantly affect by their parents. If parents are unable to show their responsibility toword their children, perhaps, this will result in lack of communication and put their children in a high possibility of develop risky behavior such as commit crime. For instance, most of the children will commit crime to make their parents put all the concentration on them, which due to children are neglected in these days. One of the possible solution to avoid this problem is conduct some after-school activities to children. Government and school can collaborate together to held some community service activity for children to participate. Owing to this, children can spend their free time wisely instead of commit crime. To illustrate, while joining service club, children are able to understand how difficult our life is and become an optimist person who will not commit crime. In the conclusion, it is important for parents to educate their children and put more effort on their children. Government should also provide some methods to prevent this kind of problem.
Number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
that happened which contributed by young generation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are increasing in a faster rate compare to last time. This is one of the serious phenomenon that occur in our daily life. This essay will demonstrate
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons which associated with this problem and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods to avoid it.

First
and foremost, one of the principal reason for the rapid increase in the levels of youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is
Consider using a past participle here: "arisen".
arise
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
behavior.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
development. Other than that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
personality is
significantly
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their responsibility
Possible spelling mistake found.
toword
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, perhaps, this will result in lack of communication and put their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a high possibility of develop risky behavior such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For instance
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put all the concentration on them, which due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are neglected
in these days.

One of the possible solution to avoid this problem is conduct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
after-school activities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and school can collaborate together
Did you mean "to hold"?
to held
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
community service activity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate. Owing to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can spend their free time
wisely
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. To illustrate, while joining service club,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to understand how difficult our life is and become an optimist person who will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
crime.

In the conclusion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and put more effort on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
also
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this kind of problem.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Levels of young crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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