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Leisure activities for children should be based on what can enhance their children academic skills. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. v.1

Leisure activities for children should be based on what can enhance their children academic skills. v. 1
The most part of the active period of people's life is spent building a career, first to make ends meet, also to have a productive and fulfilling existence. During this span, some people pursue a single path and stick to it, while others are more flexible and explore different vocation. There is a debate whether a switch in career in one's professional life is advantageous or detrimental. This essay will discuss the reason for career changes, its impact on the individuals and the community at large. To start with, a plethora of young adults that are commencing their professional life are in a dilemma of what career path to take and sometimes make random decisions without deep thinking or consultation. These sets of people end up getting dissatisfied with their employment and within a short time are already looking for new opportunities. The cause of dissatisfaction can range from incommensurate remuneration to unfavourable work conditions. For instance, the recent research by the labour institute in Nigeria concluded that there is a 70% chance that a professional that doesn't consult a career coach before selecting a career path will switch careers in the first five years of employment. Another reason is the advent of technology, which has placed demands for new develop digital skills. This new opportunity has enticed people into shifting from their initial career path to embracing the new wave. A classic example is the enormous data scientist vacancy available everywhere in the world today. Although, career switches have caused massive discomfort for many employers, employee's well being and job satisfaction is paramount. Job change for a myriad of people is pertinent to their well being both physically and emotionally. The society at large benefits from this as a lot of people are depressed because of their jobs easily snap out when they switch. For instance, the president of Liberia was a depressed banker before he resigned to do politics and suddenly had a new breath of life and now is a very successful politician. In conclusion, career changes are sometimes necessary as it produces more gleeful people who are productive and contributing positively to the society. It is predicted that the more flexible career changes become, the more likely it is that professionals will become successful because they don't have to pitch a tent in an unfulfilling career.
The most part of the active period of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is spent
building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
,
first
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
,
also
to have a productive and fulfilling existence. During this span,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pursue a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
and stick to it, while others are more flexible and explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
vocation. There is a debate whether a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
switch
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is advantageous or detrimental. This essay will discuss the reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
, its impact on the individuals and the community at large.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, a plethora of young adults that are commencing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are in a dilemma of what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
to take and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
random decisions without deep thinking or consultation. These sets of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up getting dissatisfied with their employment and within a short time are already looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities. The cause of dissatisfaction can range from incommensurate remuneration to
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
work conditions.
For instance
, the recent research by the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
institute in Nigeria concluded that there is a 70% chance that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
that doesn't consult a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
coach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
selecting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
switch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
in the
first
five years of employment. Another reason is the advent of technology, which has placed demands for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
develop digital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunity has enticed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into shifting from their initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
to embracing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
wave. A classic example is the enormous data scientist vacancy available everywhere in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
switches
have caused massive discomfort for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers, employee's
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
and job satisfaction is paramount. Job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
for a myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is pertinent to their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
both
physically
and
emotionally
. The society at large benefits from this as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are depressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their jobs
easily
snap out when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
switch
.
For instance
, the president of Liberia was a depressed banker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
he resigned to do politics and
suddenly
had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
breath of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
successful politician.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
necessary as it produces more gleeful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are productive and contributing
positively
to the society. It
is predicted
that the more flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
become, the more likely it is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
will become successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pitch a tent in an unfulfilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Leisure activities for children should be based on what can enhance their children academic skills. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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