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The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. v.2

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. v. 2
In recent days, it is quite common for women to involve in several areas such as workplace and governmental institutions and this is totally different from the past decades. Some assert that it is easy for women to participate in some kinds of environment. However, some people believe that women cannot gain the gender equality because there is still injustice with the women position. I totally disagree with this viewpoint and this essay will look into the reasons. The first reason is that women have similar rights to men nowadays. There is no gap between men and women because they have equal accesses to contribute to society. As a fact that there are many women who involve in workplaces even some of them gain an important position such as an employer in certain company. It proves that women have a leadership capability as same as men. Moreover, people think that men are stronger than women thus they cannot take position equal to man. However, I personally believe that women already have the same capacity as men. Take military service as an example, women recently join in military such as police and army. Therefore, there is no reason to say that women cannot reach something like men do. In addition, women nowadays have freedom to express their opinions even becoming the agent of change. There are plenty of women as the representative of government such as being a politician even ministers or presidents. As the result, the power of women and men are similar to the government position. It is true that women sometimes are restricted to be a leader for some case such as being a decision maker in the family life. However, the involvement of women in some parts of society proves that they have an equal position and power in this world. In summary, it is not hard for women to obtain education and pursue their career nowadays. They even are able to be a great member of society. Therefore, both men and women are in the equality of gender because they have the same rights in this life.
In recent days, it is quite common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to involve in several areas such as workplace and governmental institutions and this is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the past decades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
assert that it is easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of environment.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cannot gain the gender equality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is
still
injustice with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
. I
totally
disagree with this viewpoint and this essay will look into the reasons.

The
first
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have similar rights to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
nowadays. There is no gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have equal accesses to contribute to society. As a fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who involve in workplaces even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them gain an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
such as an employer in certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. It proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have a leadership capability as same as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are stronger than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
thus
they cannot take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
equal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
However
, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
already have the same capacity as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Take military service as an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in military such as police and army.
Therefore
, there is no reason to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cannot reach something like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
do.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
nowadays have freedom to express their opinions even becoming the agent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as the representative of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
such as being a politician even ministers or presidents. As the result, the power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are similar to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
position.

It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
are restricted
to be a leader for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
case such as being a decision maker in the family life.
However
, the involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of society proves that they have an equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
and power in this world.

In summary, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to obtain education and pursue their career nowadays. They even are able to be a great member of society.
Therefore
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are in the equality of gender
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the same rights in this life.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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