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Leaders and directors in an organization are frequently older people, Some People think young leaders would be better. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Leaders and directors in an organization are frequently older people, Some People think young leaders would be better. v. 1
Age is one of the important factors to hiring a rewarding direct manager in companies. Many of the bosses at organizations are the aged people, however, some individuals believe that it would be superior to young people be the head of offices. I completely agree with the given statement on the basis of more energetic and employing new-fledged methods. To begin with, the main reason is that being energic is a determining factor of being high quality leader in the organizations. To simply put, young people have more energy to spent more time on their job as a director and struggle with unpredictable problems in comparison with the old ones. The issue of whether young managers can spent extra time for solving problems related to the companies affairs or not is undeniable. Take traveling severalt time per month to have meetings outside of the countries for example; younge bosses would not be tired and may also enjoy by visiting the different cultures. Thus, the more being younger as a direct manager in the companies, the more energetic to take exracircular responsiblities. Having said that, however, being energetic is not the only essential factor in this respect. Another causative argument is that the youth more likely to manage office by state-of-the-art. That is to say, young people may encounter with modern methods and also next generation technologies for the sake of developing the companies. A good illustration of this is using of new developed office management applications, which young people can adapt themselves with these type of softwares very well, because of their computer base knowledge. Therefore, they not oly may accompany with update facilities on developing jobs, but progress on work would be result of success. To conclude, I personally take the view that it is rationally acceptable to give leading and managing responsibility in the offices to the young people. This is mainly becuase they are healthy with enough enegry to take extra respobsibilities and their knowledge for new methods of managing of offices would be rewarding to developing of the organizations.
Age is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors to hiring a rewarding direct manager in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the bosses at organizations are the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that it would be superior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be the head of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement on the basis of more energetic and employing new-fledged methods.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main reason is that being
Possible spelling mistake found.
energic
is a determining factor of being high quality leader in the organizations. To
simply
put,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more energy to spent more time on their job as a director and struggle with unpredictable problems
in comparison
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones. The issue of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
managers can spent extra time for solving problems related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
affairs or not is undeniable. Take traveling
Possible spelling mistake found.
severalt
time per month to have meetings
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the countries
for example
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
younge
bosses would not
be tired
and may
also
enjoy by visiting the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures.
Thus
, the more being younger as a direct manager in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, the more energetic to take
Possible spelling mistake found.
exracircular
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblities
.

Having said that,
however
, being energetic is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
essential factor in this respect. Another causative argument is that the youth more likely to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
by state-of-the-art.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may encounter with modern methods and
also
next
generation technologies for the sake of developing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is using of new developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
management applications, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can adapt themselves with these type of
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their computer base knowledge.
Therefore
, they not
Possible spelling mistake found.
oly
may
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompany by".
accompany with
update facilities on developing jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
progress on work would be result of success.

To conclude
, I
personally
take the view that it is
rationally
acceptable to give leading and managing responsibility in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
mainly
Possible spelling mistake found.
becuase
they are healthy with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Possible spelling mistake found.
enegry
to take extra
Possible spelling mistake found.
respobsibilities
and their knowledge for new methods of managing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
would be rewarding to developing of the organizations.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Leaders and directors in an organization are frequently older people, Some People think young leaders would be better. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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