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Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. v. 2
It is true that most of the important positions in an industry are handled by elderly people. However, some people believe that when an organization is lead by youngsters, the performance of the company will be better, and I agree with that statement. On the one hand, older people have more experiences in the industry and it will definitely help them to make a better decision. The reason for that is if there is any severe circumstances in the job, leaders and senior staffs are basically the one who takes control over the situation and have the nerve to do the decision-making process calmly. Besides, as elderly staffs may be working in the company for many decades, they may have more influence on other staffs. For younger people, it will take time for them to prove themselves as worthy as older people. On the other hand, as a leader, one needs to take more responsibilities and need to work more than other people. Studies say that the younger generation people work harder than older people. As younger people have more energy to work and they are eager to learn new things, while older people prefer to go back to home in time for a family commitment. In addition, younger people are likely to be more creative. For example, an intuitive marketing campaign made by younger marketing staff may break out the market and it may have a huge impact on the company profit. In conclusion, although experienced staffs may play important roles in the company, I strongly agree that younger leaders will perform better for the above-mentioned reasons.
It is true that most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
positions in an industry
are handled
by elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that when an organization is lead by youngsters, the performance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will be better, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that statement.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more experiences in the industry and it will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better decision. The reason for
that is
if there is any severe circumstances in the job, leaders and senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
are
basically
the one who takes control over the situation and have the nerve to do the decision-making process
calmly
.
Besides
, as elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
may be working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
decades, they may have more influence on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it will take time for them to prove themselves as worthy as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, as a leader, one needs to take more responsibilities and need to work more than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Studies say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work harder than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more energy to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they are eager to learn new things, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to go back to home in time for a family commitment.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to be more creative.
For example
, an intuitive marketing campaign made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
may break out the market and it may have a huge impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
profit.

In conclusion
, although experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
may play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
leaders will perform better for the above-mentioned reasons.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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