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In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v.3

In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 3
Unnatural ways of living of humans in most of the nation have caused drastic fitness issues. The following paragraphs will elucidate possible reasons for the problems and propose a handful of remedial measures. To commence with the reasons, first and foremost is obsessed of humans with junk food. Now a day, fast food shops are opened in every area and very easily approachable. Junk food is readily available at any time, so people feel cooking is the waste of time and the start eating these junk foods available in the streets, stores and in the mobile shops. These unnatural habits lead to fitness problems in the humans. Secondly, lack of daily exercise is one of the many causes of creating health issues in the humans. Most of the people are lazy or over involved in their daily works, so they forget to go for daily exercise or they do not have time to go for routine exercise or walk. Some of them intentionally do not want exercise as they are obsessed to watch movies, dramas and playing games in their free time. Adding further a few reasons, such as unwanted over pressures due to the work and bad habits like smoking are the additional reasons to live unhealthy. To exemplify, in 2010 a health survey had been conducted in Pakistan and it was found that 70% of the people living in Pakistan had severe health problems due to the unhealthy ways of living which was only 30% ten years earlier in 2000. Undoubtedly, every lock has a key. Similarly, some solutions should be implemented such as the Government should promote healthy ways of living through advertising in Television and in daily newspapers. Not only Government as well as people should avoid eating unhealthy food and try to cook food in homes such as vegetables are the best organic food for health. Government should take action against unhygienic ways for selling food and should stop food mobile shops on street if these shops have not followed food quality procedures. Moreover, gardens and running tracks should construct by the local authorities of the area in the neighbourhood. Which are easy to access and motivate nearby living habitats for daily exercise and walks. To conclude, I would like to state that Governments and peoples, both should put their best foot forward together in order to curb the menace and should promote and adopt natural ways to live a healthier, longer, fitter and better life.
Unnatural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
in most of the nation have caused drastic fitness issues. The following paragraphs will elucidate possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for the problems and propose a handful of remedial measures.

To commence with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
,
first
and foremost
is obsessed
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
with junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are opened
in every area and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
approachable. Junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
readily
available at any time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel cooking is the waste of time and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
eating these junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
available in the streets, stores and in the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. These unnatural habits lead to fitness problems in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
Secondly
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes of creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are lazy or over involved in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
works,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they forget to go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
exercise or
they do not have time to go for routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
or walk.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
intentionally
do not want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
as they
are obsessed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies, dramas and playing games in their free time.

Adding
further
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, such as unwanted over pressures due to the work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits like smoking are the additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
unhealthy. To exemplify, in 2010 a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
survey had
been conducted
in Pakistan and it
was found
that 70% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in Pakistan had severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems due to the unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
30% ten years earlier in 2000.

Undoubtedly
, every lock has a key.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions should
be implemented
such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should promote healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
through advertising in Television and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
newspapers. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should avoid eating unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and try to cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in homes such as vegetables are the best organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should take action against unhygienic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
for selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
on street if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
have not followed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
quality procedures.
Moreover
, gardens and running
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
should construct by the local authorities of the area in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
. Which are easy to access and motivate nearby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
habitats for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and walks.

To conclude
, I would like to state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
, both should put their best foot forward together in order to curb the menace and should promote and adopt natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthier, longer, fitter and better life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
411 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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