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Leaders and directors in an organisations are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Leaders and directors in an organisations are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. v. 1
Since ice age, the motherhood is celebrated and respected. There is a belief that, since women only can determine when to pro-create, it gives them an upper hand in justifying that women only are capable enough to bring up a child. In recent times, there are fathers fighting for their equal rights when it comes to parenthood. Therefore, I cannot complete agree that mothers alone are sufficient for a kid to become successful. This essay will discuss about my viewpoints. On the one hand, there is a global acceptance about women wielding the deciding authority in nurturing their kids. Furthermore, not only women, all the female species are biologically blessed for their capability in deciding when to gestate. This determines their irrevocable rights and responsibility to bring up their kids successfully. Owing to this, most of the organisations around the world encourage their women employees with extended maternity leaves. In addition to that, several countries have also begun to accept in adding the surname of the mothers to their kids, which is very beneficial in case of being a single parent. For example, most of the children’s orphanages employ women as they take care of the kids with motherly love. So it is rightfully accepted that mothers demand a huge role in deciding their child’s future. On the other hand, can we accede to the fact, that fathers are no longer required or not essential to the kids? It is well proven by many anthropologists that fathers play an active role to play as legendary teachers. For example, most of the divorce cases are running endlessly just to impede the father’s child visitation rights. It’s because of these legal battles, many children are psychologically affected. Thanks to awareness made by men’s rights activists, where some of the organisations have started to encourage offering paternity leaves. Hence, fathers demand an equal role in deciding a child’s life. If not, mothers will definitely lose their respect by their own children, as kids used to observe and repeat what the parent does. To conclude, team work is always appreciated be that as in home or office. If mothers only are to be favoured by sidelining the fathers that will lead to mayhem within their home. Therefore, I am convinced that a mother’s role in a child’s life is unquestionable, however, not at the cost of father’s subservience.
Since ice age, the motherhood
is celebrated
and respected. There is a belief that, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
can determine when to pro-create, it gives them an upper hand in justifying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
are capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to bring up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. In recent times, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
fighting for their equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to parenthood.
Therefore
, I cannot complete
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that mothers alone are sufficient for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
to become successful. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss my"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about my
viewpoints.

On the one hand, there is a global acceptance about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
wielding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deciding
authority in nurturing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Furthermore
, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, all the female species are
biologically
blessed for their capability in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deciding
when to gestate. This determines their irrevocable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
and responsibility to bring up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
successfully
. Owing to this, most of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
around the world encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
employees with extended maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
.
In addition
to that, several countries have
also
begun to accept in adding the surname of the mothers to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial in case of being a single parent.
For example
, most of the children’s orphanages employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as they take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with
motherly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
rightfully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that mothers demand a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deciding
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
future.

On the other hand
, can we accede to the fact, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
are no longer required or not essential to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
? It is well proven by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
anthropologists that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
play an active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
to play as legendary teachers.
For example
, most of the divorce cases are running
endlessly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to impede the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
visitation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
. It’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these legal battles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children are
psychologically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. Thanks to awareness made by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
activists, where
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to encourage offering paternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
demand an equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deciding
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
life. If not, mothers will definitely lose their respect by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
children, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to observe and repeat what the parent does.

To conclude
, team work is always appreciated be that as in home or office.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
mothers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
are to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
by sidelining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
that will lead to mayhem within their home.
Therefore
, I
am convinced
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
life is unquestionable,
however
, not at the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father’s
subservience.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Leaders and directors in an organisations are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
394 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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