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Leaders and directors in an organisations are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Leaders and directors in an organisations are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. v. 2
Choosing a suitable leader is of paramount importance regarding the progression of a company. From my perspective, despite some outstanding qualities that young people may possess, the aged members are more qualified to hold managerial positions. On the one hand, young individuals can be good leaders for some reasons. Firstly, young people are likely to be physically stronger, therefore, they can handle a heavy workload and responsibilities. This might be a key selection criterion for crucial positions in an organisation, because being a leader requires people to deal with intense schedules under great pressure. Secondly, younger people tend to be more creative at work. They, as a result, can come up with extraordinary ideas or initiatives which may lead to fruitful results for the company in the future. On the other hand, there are some compelling reasons why elderly people can be superior candidates to younger members for high positions in an organisation. As old people have worked for many years, they have accumulated not only much more work experience but also deeper understanding about the entrepreneurial culture of the company they work for than the younger members. This, therefore, may allow them to find optimal solutions when it comes to pivotal decision point. Additionally, senior people may exert greater influence on other members in the company because people tend to pay their respects to the elderly. Compared to the young, old people can obviously have a more powerful voice, hence running the business more efficiently. In conclusion, better state of health and a sense of creativity may make youngsters good leaders, however, I am still convinced that these important positions should be given to old people who possess more experience and influential voice.
Choosing a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
is of paramount importance regarding the progression of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. From my perspective, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outstanding qualities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may possess, the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are more qualified to hold managerial positions.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to be
physically
stronger,
therefore
, they can handle a heavy workload and responsibilities. This might be a key selection criterion for crucial positions in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to deal with intense schedules under great pressure.
Secondly
, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be more creative at work. They,
as a result
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with extraordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
or initiatives which may lead to fruitful results for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in the future.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
compelling reasons why elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be superior candidates to younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
for high positions in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have worked for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years, they have accumulated not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
much more work experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
deeper understanding about the entrepreneurial culture of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
they work for than the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. This,
therefore
, may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to find optimal solutions when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to pivotal decision point.
Additionally
, senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may exert greater influence on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to pay their respects to the elderly. Compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
obviously
have a more powerful voice,
hence
running the business more
efficiently
.

In conclusion
, better state of health and a sense of creativity may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
,
however
, I am
still
convinced that these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
positions should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who possess more experience and influential voice.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Leaders and directors in an organisations are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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