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Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. What is your opinion about this? Discuss with appropriate examples. v.1

Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. What is your opinion about this? Discuss with appropriate examples. v. 1
People have different views about the question of should the government support university’s student the school fees. While some argue that, I believe that students better get the donation given by the politics. There are several reasons why people don’t agree with the opinion that higher education should be sponsored by the government. They may assert that students who are funded the money will be irresponsible. One reason for this is that the young generation will not seriously study maybe because they don’t respect the money that is not their parents or even themselves’s income. For instance, when they have the grant from the authority, it’s understandable that they have more time and pocket money to indulge in their pleasure without learning spirit. As the result, people estimate students will become lazier and lazier, and the studies fall down. In spite of this argument, I side with those who hold the view that the administration should spend their budget on supporting those individuals. With the financial support, it’s apparent that students can concentrate on their studies and broaden their horizons as well as experiments. Especially for those who want to do occupations that contribute to the community, such as doctors, polices, firefighters. . . These people need help from the government so they can try their best to ready to devote to the society. . This means both education and the country’s civilization rate will go up to approach the higher. In conclusion, supporting youngsters the tuition fees is likely to be the better way to develop the education as well as the country’s social order.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the question of should the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
support university’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
the school fees. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the donation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the politics.

There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that higher education should
be sponsored
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. They may assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
are funded
the money will be irresponsible. One reason for this is that the young generation will not
seriously
study maybe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don’t respect the money
that is
not their parents or even themselves’s income.
For instance
, when they have the grant from the authority, it’s understandable that they have more time and pocket money to indulge in their pleasure without learning spirit. As the result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
estimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will become lazier and lazier, and the studies fall down.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
this argument, I side with those who hold the view that the administration should spend their budget on supporting those individuals. With the financial support, it’s apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can concentrate on their studies and broaden their horizons
as well
as experiments.
Especially
for those who want to do occupations that contribute to the community, such as doctors, polices, firefighters.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can try their best to ready to devote to the society.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This means both education and the country’s civilization rate will go up to approach the higher.

In conclusion
, supporting youngsters the tuition fees is likely to be the better way to develop the education
as well
as the country’s social order.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. What is your opinion about this? Discuss with appropriate examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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