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Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. What is your opinion about this? v.4

Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. What is your opinion about this? v. 4
Cities are transforming in various aspects, one of them is shopping pattern. It is often suggested by many that traditional businesses should be replaced by mega shopping centres. I believe that large shopping malls offer a better shopping experience to city residents and help the government collect taxes efficiently. Therefore, I believe that this is a welcoming trend. To begin with, large shopping complexes bring different vendors under a single roof and offer a spectrum of products. As people in cities have less time to spend on shopping, mega shopping malls save their valuable time. Furthermore, such markets have various entertainment facilities including cinema halls, food court, children's play zone etc. which improve people's shopping experience and let them enjoy their time. All those amenities under the same building cannot be offered by small businesses. In addition, collecting taxes from scattered small shops is often unmanageable as there is no defined authority for the business entities. However, it is easier when the stores are under the market authority in a single building. In some countries, like Australia, the government gives a tax rebate to small businesses to let them grow, which consequently can have dire outcomes in the future as financial overturn cannot be justified with those cuts. Thus, small businesses do not have a wide appeal to people and nor do financially help local government. In conclusion, to conform to modern shoppers' demand and facilities, mega malls are emerging. This should be wholeheartedly welcomed as it offers a better shopping experience to people and ensures tax collection by the state.
Cities are transforming in various aspects, one of them is
shopping
pattern. It is
often
suggested by
many
that traditional
businesses
should
be replaced
by mega
shopping
centres
. I believe that large
shopping
malls offer a better
shopping
experience to city residents and
help
the
government
collect
taxes
efficiently
.
Therefore
, I believe that this is a welcoming trend.

To
begin
with, large
shopping
complexes bring
different
vendors under a single roof and offer a spectrum of products. As
people
in cities have less time to spend on
shopping
, mega
shopping
malls save their valuable time.
Furthermore
, such markets have various entertainment facilities including cinema halls, food court, children's play zone etc. which
improve
people
's
shopping
experience and
let
them enjoy their time. All those amenities under the same building cannot
be offered
by
small
businesses.

In addition
, collecting
taxes
from scattered
small
shops is
often
unmanageable as there is no defined authority for the
business
entities.
However
, it is easier when the stores are under the market authority in a single building. In
some
countries, like Australia, the
government
gives a
tax
rebate to
small
businesses
to
let
them grow, which
consequently
can have dire outcomes in the future as financial overturn cannot
be justified
with those
cuts
.
Thus
,
small
businesses
do not have a wide appeal to
people
and nor do
financially
help
local
government
.

In conclusion
, to conform to modern shoppers' demand and facilities, mega malls are emerging. This should be
wholeheartedly
welcomed as it offers a better
shopping
experience to
people
and ensures
tax
collection by the state.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. What is your opinion about this? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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