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An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. What are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping center rather than smaller, more traditional shops? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. v.1

An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. What are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping center rather than smaller, more traditional shops? v. 1
In this contemporary era, now big shopping malls and departmental stores are being established at an exponential rate and it has an adverse effect on local shops. It has both merits and demerits and I will elucidate it in the subsequent fragments. The predominant advantage of having such mammoth mall is that individuals can purchase almost all types of clothes varying from brand to brand under one roof. It will give them a plethora of choices to choose attire and footwears which makes them feel comfortable according to their own budget. What is more, these malls don't only have different clothe outlets, but individuals can also watch movies in cinemas and they can eat both traditional and foreign cuisines under one roof which is not available in local shops. Lastly, these malls has a proper ventilating system and customers does not feel any kind of suffocation and as a result they purchase more items. For instance, the air conditioners in malls and background music acts as a catalyst for customers to purchase more commodities for themselves. However, there are certain demerits of such shopping malls. Firstly, the branded clothes have exorbitant prices and it is very difficult to manage financial expenses for middle class and destitute families, while local shops have reasonable rates and all walk of people can purchase such items easily. Secondly, these malls are dwindling the traditional clothes as people specially youngsters always prefer to wear western clothes, eventually, these shopping complexes are depriving adolescents from wearing ethnic attires. To recapitulate, although there are certain demerits of shopping complexes, but the pros outweigh them. Also, a sagacious approach should be adopted by people towards purchasing from both multiplexes as well as from local shops for holistic and resplendent walk of life
In this contemporary era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
and departmental stores are
being established
at an exponential rate and it has an adverse effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. It has both merits and demerits and I will elucidate it in the subsequent fragments.

The predominant advantage of having such mammoth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
is that individuals can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
almost all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
varying from brand to brand under one roof. It will give them a plethora of choices to choose attire and
Possible spelling mistake found.
footwears
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel comfortable according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
budget.
What is more
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothe
outlets,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
individuals can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cinemas and
they can eat both traditional and foreign cuisines under one roof which is not available in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
Lastly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
has a proper ventilating system and customers does not feel any kind of suffocation and
as a result
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
more items.
For instance
, the air conditioners in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
and background music acts as a catalyst for customers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
more commodities for themselves.

However
, there are certain demerits of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
Firstly
, the branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
have exorbitant prices and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to manage financial expenses for middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and destitute families, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
have reasonable rates and all walk of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
such items
easily
.
Secondly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are dwindling the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
specially
youngsters always prefer to wear western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
,
eventually
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes are depriving adolescents from wearing ethnic attires.

To recapitulate, although there are certain demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the pros outweigh them.
Also
, a sagacious approach should
be adopted
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
towards purchasing from both multiplexes
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
for holistic and resplendent walk of life
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. What are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping center rather than smaller, more traditional shops? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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