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Juvenile crime is attributed to the violence in media. Do you agree or disagree? What are the solutions? v.2

Juvenile crime is attributed to the violence in media. What are the solutions? v. 2
MEDIA PEOPLE DEPICTING MORE CRIME ATTEMPTED BY OFFSPRINGS. THIS ESSAY CONCUR AND DISCUSS VARIOUS SOLUTIONS TO TACKLE THIS PROBLEM. TO START WITH, FROM AN INDIVIDUAL POINT OF VIEW, CHILDREN DO CRIME BECAUSE OF LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING ABOUT LIFE. SO, PARENT SHOULD HAVE MORE CONCERN ABOUT THEIR CHILD, DO THEIR PROPER UPBRINGING AND TEACH THEM HOW TO BE A GOOD MEMBER OF THE SOCIETY AS WELL AS A CITIZEN. FOR AN EXAMPLE, MY NEIGHBOR'S SON ATTEMPTED ROBBERY WHEN HE WAS 15 YEAR OLD BECAUSE THEY DID NOT TEACH THEIR OFFSPRING ABOUT AWAFUL BEHAVIOUR AND WHAT ARE THE RESULTS OF COMMITTING OFFENCE. THUS, PARENTS SHOULD GUIDE THEM BY BEING FRIENDLY AND OPEN-MINDED WITH TODAY'S GENERATION. AS A RESULT, THERE WILL BE DECREASE CRIME. MOREOVER, GOVERNMENT ALSO DO SOME PROGRAMS LIKE OPEN A REHABILITATION CENTERS IN WHICH OFFENDERS CAN GET INFORMATION ABOUT GOOD BEHAVIOUR AND HOW TO GET RID OF BAD HABITS. TO ELABORATE, AUTHORITY SHOULD IMPLEMENT STRICT RULES LIKE REHABILITATION IS MANDATORY FOR ALL CRIMINALS AND ANY KIND OF CRIMES. FOR AN INSTANCE, IF ONE IS A MURDERER AND OTHER HAVE DONE ROBBERY THAN THERE ARE NO EXEMPTION FOR RUBBERS JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST A THIEF. THIS APPROACH ENCOURAGE EXCITED CRIMINALS TO BE A RESPONSIBLE MEMBER OF THE NATION. IN ADDITION TO THIS, ALSO THERE SHOULD BE SOME RESTRICTIONS FOR MEDIA PEOPLE. TO ILLUSTRATE, LAWS IN WHICH THEY HAVE THE BOUNDARIES AND DUTIES MENTION. SO THAT, THEY KNOW WHAT NEWS THEY MAY PUBLISH AND WHAT NOT. FOR AN EXAMPLE, IF THEY GET A NEWS SUCH AS, ONE SCHOOLER HAS ATTEMPTED THEFT. THEN, THE MEDIA UNALLOWED TO TELECAST THIS NEWS ON THE TELEVISION. BECAUSE IT WILL INFLUENCE MANY OTHER STUDENTS TOO. BUT IF THEY GET THE INFORMATION as RAPE HAS ATTEMPTED BY 25-YEAR-OLD BOY, THEN THEY SHOULD SHOW THE NEWS BECAUSE THIS MAKES PUBLIC AWARE OF CURRENTS SITUATION. TO SUM UP, HOWEVER, MEDIA SHOULD indeed HAVE RIGHT TO PUBLISH ANY CRIME. BUT, I THINK WITH JUVENILE THEY SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL ABOUT WHEN AND WHAT TO SHOW. EVERYONE IS RESPONSIBLE TO MAKE SOME CHANGES IN THE COUNTRY.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
DEPICTING MORE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CRIME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ATTEMPTED
BY
Possible spelling mistake found.
OFFSPRINGS
.
The verb 'CONCUR' is plural. Did you mean: "THIS ESSAY concurs"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
THIS ESSAY CONCUR
AND DISCUSS VARIOUS SOLUTIONS TO TACKLE THIS PROBLEM. TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
START
WITH, FROM AN INDIVIDUAL POINT OF VIEW, CHILDREN DO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CRIME
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING ABOUT LIFE.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
, PARENT SHOULD HAVE MORE CONCERN ABOUT THEIR CHILD, DO THEIR PROPER UPBRINGING AND TEACH THEM HOW TO BE A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
MEMBER OF THE SOCIETY
AS WELL
AS A CITIZEN. FOR AN EXAMPLE, MY NEIGHBOR'S SON
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ATTEMPTED
ROBBERY WHEN HE WAS 15 YEAR
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OLD
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THEY DID NOT TEACH THEIR OFFSPRING ABOUT
Possible spelling mistake found.
AWAFUL
Possible spelling mistake. 'BEHAVIOUR' is British English.
BEHAVIOUR
AND WHAT ARE THE RESULTS OF COMMITTING
Possible spelling mistake. 'OFFENCE' is British English.
OFFENCE
.
THUS
, PARENTS SHOULD GUIDE THEM BY BEING FRIENDLY AND OPEN-MINDED WITH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TODAY
'S GENERATION.
AS A RESULT
, THERE WILL BE DECREASE CRIME.

MOREOVER
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
ALSO
DO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
PROGRAMS LIKE OPEN A REHABILITATION CENTERS IN WHICH OFFENDERS CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
INFORMATION ABOUT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
Possible spelling mistake. 'BEHAVIOUR' is British English.
BEHAVIOUR
AND HOW TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
RID OF
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BAD
HABITS. TO ELABORATE, AUTHORITY SHOULD IMPLEMENT STRICT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
RULES
LIKE REHABILITATION IS MANDATORY FOR ALL CRIMINALS AND ANY KIND OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CRIMES
. FOR AN INSTANCE, IF ONE IS A MURDERER AND OTHER HAVE DONE ROBBERY THAN THERE ARE NO EXEMPTION FOR RUBBERS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THEY ARE
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JUST
A THIEF. THIS APPROACH ENCOURAGE EXCITED CRIMINALS TO BE A RESPONSIBLE MEMBER OF THE NATION.

IN ADDITION
TO THIS,
ALSO
THERE SHOULD BE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
RESTRICTIONS FOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
. TO ILLUSTRATE, LAWS IN WHICH THEY HAVE THE BOUNDARIES AND DUTIES MENTION.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
THAT, THEY KNOW WHAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEWS
THEY MAY PUBLISH AND WHAT NOT. FOR AN EXAMPLE, IF THEY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEWS
SUCH AS, ONE SCHOOLER HAS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ATTEMPTED
THEFT. THEN, THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
Possible spelling mistake found.
UNALLOWED
TO TELECAST THIS
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NEWS
ON THE TELEVISION.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
IT WILL INFLUENCE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
OTHER STUDENTS TOO.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
IF THEY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
THE INFORMATION as RAPE HAS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ATTEMPTED
BY 25-YEAR-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OLD
BOY, THEN THEY SHOULD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOW
THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEWS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THIS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKES
PUBLIC AWARE OF CURRENTS SITUATION.

TO SUM UP,
HOWEVER
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
SHOULD
indeed
HAVE RIGHT TO PUBLISH ANY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CRIME
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
WITH JUVENILE THEY SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL ABOUT WHEN AND WHAT TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOW
. EVERYONE IS RESPONSIBLE TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHANGES
IN THE COUNTRY.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Juvenile crime is attributed to the violence in media. What are the solutions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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