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It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this problem? v.2

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this problem? v. 2
It is argued that an experienced employee within the organisation should be given advancements in their rank rather than hiring new people from outside. This essay agrees with this statement because workforce are the integral part of company productivity and doing so will make them feel rewarded and motivated. The already existing staff adapted the new changes quickly since they know the organisation policies very well. This will give them ability to show the management their talent and their handling capacity of critical situations. They will be able to have more contributions to the company. For example the experience and skill sets they acquired throughout the years will help them to solve the new challenges quickly for the newly appointed task as a result the goals of the company is easily achieved. Being on the higher position also give them a larger salary to encourage the work-spirit and perhaps even make them more loyal to the firm. Being rewarded and appreciated will make them more motivated towards the job and they will come up with new ideas and automations which will help corporations in reducing manual efforts and time required for repetitive task. For example, if staff is inspired they will proactively come up with the new ideas to improve the quality which will result in more benefits for production and help in gaining trust of the clients which help in building good client relationship. In conclusion in-house staff should be given opportunities to move up in their position will help them to boost their confidence and corporations will be benefited with their new positive attitude by gaining more clients in a way achieving the annual targets.
It
is argued
that an experienced employee within the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
advancements in their rank
rather
than hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from outside. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
workforce are the integral part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
productivity and doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel rewarded and motivated.

The already existing staff adapted the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
quickly
since they know the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
policies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. This will give them ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the management their talent and their handling capacity of critical situations. They will be able to have more contributions to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For example
the experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets they acquired throughout the years will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
challenges
quickly
for the
newly
appointed task
as a result
the goals of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is
easily
achieved.

Being on the higher position
also
give them a larger salary to encourage the work-spirit and perhaps even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more loyal to the firm.
Being rewarded
and appreciated will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more motivated towards the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and automations which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
corporations in reducing manual efforts and time required for repetitive task.
For example
, if staff
is inspired
they will
proactively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality which will result in more benefits for production and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in gaining trust of the clients which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
client relationship.

In conclusion
in-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
staff should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up in their position will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to boost their confidence and corporations will
be benefited
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude by gaining more clients in a way achieving the annual targets.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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