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It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for the growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solution can you offer to deal with this situation? v.3

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for the growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solution can you offer to deal with this situation? v. 3
In recent years, the growth in the rate of juvenile delinquency has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although some people believe that the widely spread physical scenes in the media is what causes the increase in juvenile crime, some feasible solution can be considered to address this. There are a great number of reasons why youth crime is growing. Firstly, since adolescents have excessive exposure to questionable content, such as violent movies or games, they might become aggressive, which leads to solving all the conflicts by violent. Secondly, if young adults were convinced that drug trafficking has become rampant, drug dealers would make the teenagers have their desire to commit illegitimate activities after getting high. Nevertheless, there is also a variety of solutions to alleviate this issue. First and foremost, in order to reduce the harmful effects of exposure to media brutality, this should be censored carefully before being allowed broadcasting on YouTube or other social networking sites. Moreover, parents should control and guide teenagers when they were children, make plans of the weekly family’s viewing and be selective about the content of programs. Consequently, this will restrict the contact of teenagers with negative information on the Internet, which results in a significant decrease in the amount of crime. Second, stricter penalties should be introduced aimed at punishing young offenders, in particular, the repeat offenders, as I believe that this will be an effective way to minimize the crime intention of young people. In conclusion, violence in the media is one of the most contributing factors to juvenile delinquency. By identifying the reasons behind this issue, family and law enforcement agencies could moderate the problem to a manageable level.
In recent years, the growth in the rate of juvenile delinquency has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
widely
spread physical scenes in the media is what causes the increase in juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible solution can
be considered
to address this.

There are a great number of reasons why youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is growing.
Firstly
, since adolescents have excessive exposure to questionable content, such as violent movies or games, they might become aggressive, which leads to solving all the conflicts by violent.
Secondly
, if young adults
were convinced
that drug trafficking has become rampant, drug dealers would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have their desire to commit illegitimate activities after getting high.

Nevertheless
, there is
also
a variety of solutions to alleviate this issue.
First
and foremost, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the harmful effects of exposure to media brutality, this should
be censored
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
broadcasting on YouTube or other social networking sites.
Moreover
, parents should control and guide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
when they were children,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
plans of the weekly family’s viewing and be selective about the content of programs.
Consequently
, this will restrict the contact of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
information on the Internet, which results in a significant decrease in the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Second, stricter penalties should
be introduced
aimed at punishing young offenders,
in particular
, the repeat offenders, as I believe that this will be an effective way to minimize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
intention of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, violence in the media is one of the most contributing factors to juvenile delinquency. By identifying the reasons behind this issue, family and law enforcement agencies could moderate the problem to a manageable level.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for the growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solution can you offer to deal with this situation? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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