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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views, and give your opinion. v.28

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 28
School leavers usually face the dilemma of whether to pursue tertiary education or to land a job. While there are benefits to acquiring qualifications before going to work, I believe that it is better to become an employee right after school. There are several reasons why many individuals consider seeking admission to higher academic institutes a priority. Firstly, it is easier for job seekers to be noticed by employers if they possess relevant bachelor’s degrees or diplomas. Applicants who have post-graduate degrees might even find it effortless to obtain lucrative managerial positions in giant corporations such as Google or Microsoft. Secondly, university graduates are usually more prepared workers as they have countless opportunities to expand their domain, gain valuable knowledge, and enhance their collaboration skills while working in a team with other students to accomplish projects or assignments. Finally, university students could take advantage of occasions where they can cultivate and forge relationships with professors and other peers. These kinds of social relationships could benefit them in furthering their career in the long-term policy. However, I would argue that securing employment after graduation is more beneficial for high school students. First of all, working in professional environments helps students to gain practical hands-on experience and polish skills related to their chosen profession instead of mere theoretical knowledge from textbooks, which are the primary references provided in universities. These practical skills could enable them to progress more quickly, and hence, earn rapid promotion in their careers. Besides, people who pursue employment straight after school are more likely to be financially independent as they do not have to rely upon their parents or guardians to meet their living expenses. This financial independence could even allow them to afford further education if they decide to pursue it. In conclusion, I understand why a vast number of students place emphasis on going to college or university after high school. However, it seems to me that students are more likely to attain more promising careers if they continue their studies beyond school level.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
School leavers
usually
face the dilemma of whether to pursue tertiary education or to land a job. While there are benefits to acquiring qualifications
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to work, I believe that it is better to become an employee right after school.

There are several reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals consider seeking admission to higher academic institutes a priority.
Firstly
, it is easier for job seekers to
be noticed
by employers if they possess relevant bachelor’s degrees or diplomas. Applicants who have post-graduate degrees might even find it effortless to obtain lucrative managerial positions in giant corporations such as Google or Microsoft.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates are
usually
more prepared workers as they have countless opportunities to expand their domain, gain valuable knowledge, and enhance their collaboration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
while working in a team with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to accomplish projects or assignments.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could take advantage of occasions where they can cultivate and forge relationships with professors and other peers. These kinds of social relationships could benefit them in furthering their career in the long-term policy.

However
, I would argue that securing employment after graduation is more beneficial for high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, working in professional environments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain practical hands-on experience and polish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
related to their chosen profession
instead
of mere theoretical knowledge from textbooks, which are the primary references provided in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. These practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
could enable them to progress more
quickly
, and
hence
, earn rapid promotion in their careers.
Besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who pursue employment straight after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are more likely to be
financially
independent as they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely upon their parents or guardians to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their living expenses. This financial independence could even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to afford
further
education if they decide to pursue it.

In conclusion
, I understand why a vast number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
place emphasis on going to college or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
However
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more likely to attain more promising careers if they continue their studies beyond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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