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Junk food can shorten lives and should be made illegal. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Junk food can shorten lives and should be made illegal. v. 1
Nowadays, junk food has become extremely popular in many countries. Some people believe that it causes shorter lives and should be banned. I have a balanced opinion, and this essay will argue why junk food is unhealthy for our lives, and it is impossible to bann completely. First and foremost, poeple eat junk food instead of alternatives when they do not have time or in a hurry and also for their taste. It contains harmful ingredients for human body and cause some health problems and diseases such as obesity, and increases the risk of diabetes. For instance, franchises are popular all over Australie and the USA. People who live there tend to eat franchises, especially young generation, and as a result, statistics state that almost 80 % of people suffer from various disease such as terrible brain function. I agree with this view that junk food often influences humans' well-being. While I agree with the above opinion, I disagree with up to some extent that eating junk food should be made illegal. The main piont would be multinational companies like Lay's, Doritos, can face failure if junk food is banned. The benefit of this food industry is in the millions and billions for those who run their businesses. Moreover, every person has the right to choose their menu according to their taste. It is undeniable that junk food usually is delicious, and helps people to save their time under some circumstances. In conclusion, junk food is a part of our meals. Although it can cause some problems and diseases for human health, while junk food is usefull for time-consuming, and I do believe that it should not be banned completely because of human rights and country economy.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has become
extremely
popular in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it causes shorter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and should
be banned
. I have a balanced opinion, and this essay will argue why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is unhealthy for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and it is impossible to
Possible spelling mistake found.
bann
completely.

First
and foremost,
Possible spelling mistake found.
poeple
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of alternatives when they do not have time or in a hurry and
also
for their taste. It contains harmful ingredients for human body and cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems and diseases such as obesity, and increases the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of diabetes.
For instance
, franchises are popular all over
Possible spelling mistake found.
Australie
and the USA.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there tend to eat franchises,
especially
young generation, and
as a result
, statistics state that almost 80 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from various disease such as terrible brain function. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
influences humans' well-being.

While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above opinion, I disagree with up to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent that eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should
be made
illegal. The main
Possible spelling mistake found.
piont
would be multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Lay's, Doritos, can face failure if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is banned
. The benefit of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry is in the millions and billions for those who run their businesses.
Moreover
, every person has the right to choose their menu according to their taste. It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
usually
is delicious, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to save their time under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is a part of our meals. Although it can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems and diseases for human health, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
usefull
for time-consuming, and I do believe that it should not
be banned
completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of human rights and country economy.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Junk food can shorten lives and should be made illegal. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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