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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. others disagree. discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.15

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. others disagree. v. 15
An employer usually asks some generic information while hiring. It has been believed by some that companies asks personal information such as either they are married or single and their hobbies are very useful while others do not quite agree with this. However, I agree with the given statement. This essay will discuss both views. To begin with, Some people think that asking this personal information is not useful. Such people believe that, organizations ask this kind of information just to maintain their records and would not do anything for employee with such data and they lies about their interest as well. For example, according to a survey in India, 40 percent of students agree that they gave false information to companies according to the job description when asked. On the flip side, others reckon that this information is quite useful for the employer. Some employer sends birthday wishes or anniversary card on the respective dates after collecting this information to motivate employees. Secondly, some jobs are very interest specific. For example, if someone gave an interview in a studio company and his interest is photography, then this information boosts his chances to get selected. To conclude, some people have the opinion that asking personal information is useful and companies ask just to maintain their records. While others think companies use this knowledge in many ways, such as selecting a candidate based on their interest and I agree with this point of view.
An employer
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
generic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
while hiring. It has
been believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asks
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as either they
are married
or single and their hobbies are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
while others do not quite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
with this.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. This essay will discuss both views.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that asking this personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, organizations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ask
this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to maintain their records and would not do anything for employee with such
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
data and
they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "lie"
lies
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
as well
.
For example
, according to a survey in India, 40 percent of students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
that they gave false
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
according to the job description when asked.

On the flip side, others reckon that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is quite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
for the employer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
employer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
birthday wishes or anniversary card on the respective dates after collecting this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to motivate employees.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
specific.
For example
, if someone gave an interview in a studio
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
is photography, then this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
boosts his chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
selected.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the opinion that asking personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ask
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to maintain their records. While others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this knowledge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, such as selecting a candidate based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
with this point of view.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. others disagree. v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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