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Smoking can cause serious illnesses and should be made illegal. v.1

Smoking can cause serious illnesses and should be made illegal. v. 1
Many people believe that tobacco use has deleterious effects on their health and passive smoking is also very dangerous and that is why smoking must be banned in the public places. Although there are strong arguments that support this perspective, I strongly believe that it is not reasonable to restrict tobacco smoking in the society. Primarily, it is evident that restraining those cigarette consumers from smoking can cause withdrawal symptoms. This cigarette has an addictive substance called nicotine that leads to the feeling of euphoria for the users. For instance, a chain smoker will become uncomfortable if they cannot smoke at least one stick of cigarette. Thereby, they become depressed and lethargic as their bodies are highly dependent on a substance which alters the mood. This often seems to affect their well-being such concentration and decision making since smoking exalts their body to become more active. Furthermore, there are reasons to suggest that tobacco products will relocate to the black market as they are made illegitimate in the society. If the consumers purchase this product in illegal merchandise, they might be tempted to patronise other dangerous substance such as Cocaine and Marijuana. Black market offers nefarious goods available for those people who are unsatisfied with the products sold in the public market. As a result, the incidence of crimes may escalate due to the fact that substance can create inhibitions, which make the intoxicated people irrational about their actions. To illustrate, they could do heinous things as they might see as they are not aware of their morality. Lastly, it can never be denied that it is the right of every individual to smoke. It would be a breach of their personal decision to smoke cigarettes if the government banned these products. It is possible that these people might resent the higher authority because they are the one who spends their salary on cigarettes, not the government officials. Hence, they will retaliate such as building a riot or promoting a democratic amendment to the government. To conclude, I am convinced that cigarette should not be eradicated in public merchandises as there are people who are dependent on these products. There is a very likelihood that crimes would surge if these products were eliminated in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that tobacco
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
has deleterious effects on their health and passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be banned
in the public places. Although there are strong arguments that support this perspective, I
strongly
believe that it is not reasonable to restrict tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in the society.

Primarily
, it is evident that restraining those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
consumers from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
can cause withdrawal symptoms. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
has an addictive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
substance
called nicotine that leads to the feeling of euphoria for the users.
For instance
, a chain smoker will become uncomfortable if they cannot smoke at least one stick of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
. Thereby, they become depressed and lethargic as their bodies are
highly
dependent on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
substance
which alters the mood. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
seems to affect their well-being such concentration and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
exalts their body to become more active.

Furthermore
, there are reasons to suggest that tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
will relocate to the black market as they
are made
illegitimate in the society. If the consumers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
in illegal merchandise, they might
be tempted
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'patronise' is British English.
patronise
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
substance
such as Cocaine and Marijuana. Black market offers nefarious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
available for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are unsatisfied
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
sold in the public market.
As a result
, the incidence of crimes may escalate due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
substance
can create inhibitions, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the intoxicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
irrational about their actions. To illustrate, they could do heinous things as they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
as they are not aware of their morality.

Lastly
, it can never
be denied
that it is the right of every individual to smoke. It would be a breach of their personal decision to smoke
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
banned these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. It is possible that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might resent the higher authority
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the one who spends their salary on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
, not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials.
Hence
, they will retaliate such as building a riot or promoting a democratic amendment to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To conclude
, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
should not
be eradicated
in public merchandises as there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are dependent on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. There is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likelihood that crimes would surge if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
were eliminated
in the society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Smoking can cause serious illnesses and should be made illegal. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
376 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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