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It should be the environment rather than economic development for the government to focus on. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

It should be the environment rather than economic development for the government to focus on. v. 2
The majority of people in their early to mid-twenties are under the illogical and stereotypical assumption that government should focus on economic development rather than the environment. This notion, however, does not reflect the stance that I hold and should be thought in a different light. I believe that it is important for government to focus on the environment because it enables to make a better environment and enrich people' s lifestyle. First, it is essential to think about make a better environment. This is because the government has imposed many new environmental regulations. Companies must follow these regulations or be subject to severe penalties, including steep fines and possible criminal charges. Therefore, companies now have a powerful incentive to avoid causing environmental damage. For example, the Australian government passed a new law in 1997 that includes strict penalties for companies that pollute bodies of water. If a company owns a factory that introduces harmful chemicals into rivers or lakes, it faces an immediate fine of up to one million dollars. In addition, the Australian government can charge the company over a hundred thousand dollars a day until the problem has been dealt with. As a result, the waters of Australia are much cleaner now than they were in the past, and their condition will continue to improve in the future. Second, another important point that should be brought up is enriching people' s lifestyle. More and more people are realizing that even small lifestyle changes can have positive effects on the environment by effort of government. Therefore, they are taking action to reduce the amount of pollution they create. My family is an excellent example of this trend. The government advertised about environmentally friendly lifestyles. After watching this advertisement, my family made several lifestyle changes to benefit the environment. My mother commutes to work by subway instead of by car, my father brings cloth bags to the grocery store so that he will not have to use plastic ones, and I stopped turning the air conditioner on in the summer. Many other people in my neighborhood watched the advertisement as well as followed its advice. To sum up, new environmental rules have been created by the government, and a rising number of people are changing how they live to help the environment by the government' s effort. In this regard, I maintain that focusing on environment is more needed than economic development for the government.
The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their early to mid-twenties are under the illogical and stereotypical assumption that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on economic development
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. This notion,
however
, does not reflect the stance that I hold and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
light. I believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it enables to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and enrich
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s lifestyle.

First
, it is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has imposed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new environmental regulations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow these regulations or be subject to severe penalties, including steep fines and possible criminal charges.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have a powerful incentive to avoid causing environmental damage.
For example
, the Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
passed a new law in 1997 that includes strict penalties for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that pollute bodies of water. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
a factory that introduces harmful chemicals into rivers or lakes, it faces an immediate fine of up to one million dollars.
In addition
, the Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can charge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
over a hundred thousand dollars a day until the problem has
been dealt
with.
As a result
, the waters of Australia are much cleaner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
than they were in the past, and their condition will continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in the future.

Second, another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point that should
be brought
up is enriching
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'realizing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are realizing
that even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
by effort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Therefore
, they are taking action to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of pollution they create. My family is an excellent example of this trend. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
advertised about
environmentally
friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. After watching this advertisement, my family made several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. My mother commutes to work by subway
instead
of by car, my father brings cloth bags to the grocery store
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
plastic ones, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
turning the air conditioner on in the summer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in my neighborhood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
the advertisement
as well
as followed its advice.

To sum up, new environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
have
been created
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, and a rising number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are changing how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
government&
#039; s effort. In this regard, I maintain that focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is more needed than economic development for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay It should be the environment rather than economic development for the government to focus on. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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