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Some people say economic development is necessary to reduce the poverty in the world. Others say that economic growth should be stop immediately to stop damaging the environment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say economic development is necessary to reduce the poverty in the world. Others say that economic growth should be stop immediately to stop damaging the environment. v. 1
The contemporary world has given a more importance to the practical knowledge. This will lead to the change in an individual’s attitude. Many pupils have started to work during their academic studies. As per my opinion, this diversity having a plethora of gains and few demerits is there. The essay will discuss both above notions with supporting arguments in below paragraphs. To begin with, there are manifold merits of working as a student. The predominate advantage is that a student can get an idea about the real world. Doing this type of work a person can learn a practical skill which helps them in the later future also. Although, this type of activity teaches the value of crucial factor such as time and money, this helps them to balance their studies and work. Moreover, by working at an early age will make a person responsible and grow their confidence to deal with any situation. For example, Research conducted shows that by starting a job person would learn a skill such as punctuality and maintain their finance. On the other hand, this change having few detrimental impacts on the disciple. The first demerit is that some of the jobs need more attention of the pupil. Due to this type of work a child is suffering from the health issues. However, they would not be able to give a concentration on their studies. For instance, working in the manufactory units, here a person must do the physical work. Sometimes this will create the hazardous to the body; this type of situation a child would not able to give their focus on their studies. Furthermore, to get relief from the work few has started to smoke. As this having a fatal effect on the psychology and health of the child. In conclusion, there are many good points compared to the bad points. As this type of work during the universities inculcate the practical skills and earn money, which utilized to feed their family.
The contemporary world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a more importance to the practical knowledge. This will lead to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in an individual’s attitude.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
pupils have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during their academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. As per my opinion, this
You are missing the word "of" between "diversity" and "having". Did you mean "diversity of having" or "diverse having"?
diversity having
a plethora of gains and few demerits is there. The essay will discuss both above notions with supporting arguments in below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are manifold merits of working as a student. The predominate advantage is that a student can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the real world. Doing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can learn a practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in the later future
also
. Although, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of activity teaches the value of crucial factor such as time and money, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to balance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Moreover
, by working at an early age will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
responsible and grow their confidence to deal with any situation.
For example
, Research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that by starting a job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
would learn a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
such as punctuality and maintain their finance.

On the other hand
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
having few detrimental impacts on the disciple. The
first
demerit is that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
jobs need more attention of the pupil. Due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
a child is suffering from the health issues.
However
, they would not be able to give a concentration on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
For instance
, working in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
manufactory
units, here a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
this will create the hazardous to the body; this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of situation a child would not able to give their focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Furthermore
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relief from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
few has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to smoke. As this having a fatal effect on the psychology and health of the child.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
points compared to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
points. As this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during the universities inculcate the practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and earn money, which utilized to feed their family.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people say economic development is necessary to reduce the poverty in the world. Others say that economic growth should be stop immediately to stop damaging the environment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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