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If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples tosupport your answer v.7

If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples tosupport your answer v. 7
In today' s hectic life, it is amazing the fact that people from different walk of life think about my town. There are many people that consider that my town is good in the way that it is, other claims that it has negative aspects that surpass the positives. My grandmother used to say ' ' our town will never be perfect because it has a lot of problems' ' . It seems to me that she was right, and I might explain some alternatives that might help my town to be even better. I consider that those are: a better educational system, and more jobs for citizens. As a matter of fact, in order to improve education the government has to focus on investing more money in this field. My town is located in the south of Dominican Republic. Most of people didn' t attend school because they' re very poor, even some of them don' t have their parents alive as a result they had to work to support themselves. I consider that if this people are helped by the government ' ' with economic resources' ' they might go to school, and even attend to college in the future. With this in mind, I outright believe that local people might develop in different areas. In the past, local people weren' t very polite with tourist, if they get a good education, then people from different parts of the country might visit our town and spend their money in local products. Another noteworthy aspect of this ongoing explanation is that my town need more jobs. The local government has administered a lot of money from taxes collection, nevertheless it has focus on fields that are not beneficial for citizens. For instance, most of the money has been spent in street reparations, while others field such as agriculture has been neglected. Agriculture is the main economical activity of my town, if the government invest more resources in this area, I' m sure that more jobs will be created. furthermore to help the local economy even more, our major might bring foreign investors to our town because they might take advantage of the cheap rates that employees require. In conclusion, my town is a great town, but if more money is invested in education and in jobs, it will help others field to develop as well. I think that in the future the local government should try to offer good opportunities to foreign industries, thus it will add more economic sources to our town.
In
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today&
#039; s hectic life, it is amazing the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
walk of life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that consider that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in the way that it is, other claims that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects that surpass the positives. My grandmother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to say ' ' our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
will never be perfect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
problems&
#039; '
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
It seems to me that she was right, and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
alternatives that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
to be even better. I consider that those are: a better educational system, and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for citizens.

As a matter of fact, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
education the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
focus on investing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
is located
in the south
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the Dominican Republic".
of Dominican Republic
. Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t attend school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
they&
#039; re
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have their parents alive
as a result
they had to work to support themselves. I consider that if this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
' ' with economic
Possible spelling mistake found.
resources&
#039; ' they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
go to school, and even attend to college in the future. With this in mind, I outright believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
develop in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
weren&
#039; t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
polite with tourist, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
visit our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
and spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
products.

Another noteworthy aspect of this ongoing explanation is that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
need more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has administered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from taxes collection,
nevertheless
it has focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
that are not beneficial for citizens.
For instance
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has
been spent
in street reparations, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
such as agriculture has
been neglected
. Agriculture is the main
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
activity of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
invest more resources in this area,
Possible spelling mistake found.
I&
#039; m sure that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will
be created
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
furthermore
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy even more, our major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
bring foreign investors to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
take advantage of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
rates that employees require.

In conclusion
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
is a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is invested
in education and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
to develop
as well
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that in the future the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should try to offer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunities to foreign industries,
thus
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more economic sources to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples tosupport your answer v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
424 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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