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It is very important for people to be able to speak more than one language. therefore, children should start learning a foreign language as young as possible. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is very important for people to be able to speak more than one language. therefore, children should start learning a foreign language as young as possible. v. 2
To a certain extent I agree that people should learn more than one language to be able to communicate better. However, I also think that mother tongue is also very important and should not be defied. On the one hand, if someone can use foreign language expertly, they will have more opportunities than other people. For example, they can study abroad or promote more easily and they can also understand more things because they have a ability to access many sources of information. Therefore, there are benefits for children when they learn another language. Moreover the younger people are able to study foreign languages faster than adults. They can pronounce many words exactly and remember more new vocabularies, furthermore they have a better ability to retain what they taught. In addition when they are a child, they do not worry about money, family, …so they will concerntrate on their studying. However, native tongue is not less important. If somebody cannot speak mother tongue influently, they will face to many obstacles especially children. They will not be able to study at a primary school or secondary school in a good way and they have few friends and are bullied. That will be a bad thing for children, which is a cause of depression. Besides that, children learning mother tongue will know about culture of their country, thus they will feel patriotic and be proud of traditions. In summary, children should learn a foreign language to help for their development. However, they also know how to use native tongue influently to avoid many troubles.
To a certain extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should learn more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to be able to communicate better.
However
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and should not
be defied
.

On the one hand, if someone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
expertly
, they will have more opportunities than other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, they can study abroad or promote more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easily and
they can
also
understand more things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
ability to access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sources of information.
Therefore
, there are benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when they learn another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to study foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
faster than adults. They can pronounce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
words exactly and remember more new vocabularies,
furthermore
they have a better ability to retain what they taught. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
when they are a child, they do not worry about money, family, …
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
Possible spelling mistake found.
concerntrate
on their studying.

However
, native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
is not less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. If somebody cannot speak mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
Possible spelling mistake found.
influently
, they will face to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They will not be able to study at a primary school or secondary school in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
way and
they have few friends and
are bullied
. That will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which is a cause of depression.
Besides
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learning mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
will know about culture of their country,
thus
they will feel patriotic and be proud of traditions.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for their development.
However
, they
also
know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
Possible spelling mistake found.
influently
to avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
troubles.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay It is very important for people to be able to speak more than one language. therefore, children should start learning a foreign language as young as possible. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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