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is it better for children to learn to read by using online material or by using printed material? discuss and give your opinion. v.3

is it better for children to learn to read by using online material or by using printed material? discuss and give your opinion. v. 3
Improving technology brings with it myriad changes in all aspects of modern life. A recently debated topic is that whether it is better for students to converge to technology and use online sources or keep their way and use books. Both sides of this debate will be analyzed before a conclusion is reached. In one camp, it is seemed that using internet for learning brings about number of merits. Not only is environmentally friendly by leading to decline in using papers, but also is much more friendly user. Since it provides an option of accessing to admired information by searching a word. Furthermore, in retrospect, it is assumed that converging to technology is inevitable. For example, at the early-emerging stage of cellphones, many refused to employ that technology. But, now almost all members of society use it and imagine life without cell phones is definitely hard. Thus, it is obvious that students will be more benefited if keep pace with technology. However, this trend as be expected has some limitations. Take china as an example. Many sites are banned due to the government’s politics and caused limitations to access information. In addition to this, it should take speed of internet for downloading information and even poor accessibility to internet network in many parts of the world, into an account. However, printing sources do not have these restrictions and can be used whenever and wherever a student wish. Following this debate, I believe learning children how to use online sources is a way that societies have to path, and for some developing countries developing infrastructures is a first step. It is hoped all students will be able to employ online sources in the near future.
Improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
brings with it myriad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in all aspects of modern life. A recently debated topic is that whether it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to converge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their way and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
books. Both sides of this debate will
be analyzed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a conclusion
is reached
.

In one camp, it
is seemed
that using internet for learning brings about number of merits. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is
environmentally
friendly by leading to decline in using papers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
is much more friendly user.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
it provides an option of accessing to admired information by searching a word.
Furthermore
, in retrospect, it
is assumed
that converging to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is inevitable.
For example
, at the early-emerging stage of cellphones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
refused to employ that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
almost all members of society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it and imagine life without cell phones is definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
Thus
, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be more benefited if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
pace with technology.

However
, this trend as be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limitations. Take china as an example.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
sites
are banned
due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s politics and caused limitations to access information.
In addition
to this, it should take speed of internet for downloading information and even poor accessibility to internet network in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world, into an account.
However
, printing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
do not have these restrictions and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
whenever and wherever a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
wish.

Following this debate, I believe learning children how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
is a way that societies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
path, and for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
developing infrastructures is a
first
step. It
is hoped
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be able to employ online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
in the near future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay is it better for children to learn to read by using online material or by using printed material? discuss and give your opinion. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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