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It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individuals and for society. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individuals and for society. v. 5
It is common to see people getting married in their thirties or over. However, some people contend that they should get married before they turn 30 because it is beneficial for themselves and the society. I completely disagree with this view for two primary reasons. Young couples who rush to get married tend to have a high probability of getting a divorce which is in most cases due to lack of experience. Broken families prevent children from growing up in a healthy environment. As a result, this can create social problems when children do not receive enough support from family, and they may even get involved in criminal offences outside. The taxpayers, thus, will have to waste their money dealing with these social issues instead of spending it on economic development. Another issue of getting married at a young age is that it can lead to serious financial problems. Many youngsters who are in their twenties are usually people who recently graduated from the university. These people who just get some job may not have enough money since it takes time to gain work experience after which they can be promoted. That is why, they are likely to struggle to financially support their family, especially if they are expecting a baby. In conclusion, I strongly disapprove of joining in matrimony earlier than the age of 30 in the light of possible dysfunctional family and their low income. I hope that these consequences will be taken into account before marrying.
It is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting married in their thirties or over.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contend that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they turn 30
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is beneficial for themselves and the society. I completely disagree with this view for two primary reasons.

Young couples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
rush to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married tend to have a high probability of getting a divorce which is
in most cases
due to lack of experience. Broken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
children from growing up in a healthy environment.
As a result
, this can create social problems when children do not receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
support from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and they may even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
outside. The taxpayers,
thus
, will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
waste their money dealing with these social issues
instead
of spending it on economic development.

Another issue of getting married at a young age is that it can lead to serious financial problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in their twenties are
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
recently graduated from the university. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
job may not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money since it takes time to gain work experience after which they can
be promoted
.
That is
why, they are likely to struggle to
financially
support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
especially
if they are expecting a baby.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
disapprove of joining in matrimony earlier than the age of 30 in the light of possible dysfunctional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and their low income. I hope that these consequences will
be taken
into account
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
marrying.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individuals and for society. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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