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It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individual and for society. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individual and for society. v. 1
Nowadays, it is not often to see people entering wedlocks in their thirties or forties. However, some people argue that they should marry as they turn 30 as it is beneficial for themselves and society. I completely disagree with this view due to multiple reasons. Firstly, people who rush to get married at early ages tend to have a high probability of getting divorced. This is because people are usually not mature enough to deal with the responsibilities at this tender age which leads to misunderstandings and conflicts. As a consequence, many social and personal problems arise which sometimes urge people to commit unethical actions. To exemplify, according to a survey by the 'Family and Health' magazine, the ratio of couples divorced in the age of twenties is twice more than the ones hooked up thirties. Secondly, my viewpoint is further bolstered by the factor that getting married at a young age can lead to serious financial problems. The reason for this is that many youngsters do not hold a lucrative job at an early age and, it is most likely possible that they may not have enough savings to fulfil the needs of the family. As a result, they often take loans from banks to support their families. For instance, a report by the Reserve Bank Of India states that 40% of the family loans are acquired by young people. However, it is true that conceiving at a young age is better for women to avoid medical complications. In my view, with the advancements of science and technology, there is a strong possibility for women in their thirties to deliver babies safely. In conclusion, although marring at a young age is beneficial for starting parenthood, in my perspective, this trend leads to social and financial problems.
Nowadays, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
entering
Possible spelling mistake found.
wedlocks
in their thirties or forties.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that they should marry as they turn 30 as it is beneficial for themselves and society. I completely disagree with this view due to multiple reasons.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who rush to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married at early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
tend to have a high probability of getting divorced. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to deal with the responsibilities at this tender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
which leads to misunderstandings and conflicts. As a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social and personal problems arise which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
urge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit unethical actions. To exemplify, according to a survey by the 'Family and Health' magazine, the ratio of couples divorced in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of twenties is twice more than the ones hooked up thirties.

Secondly
, my viewpoint is
further
bolstered by the factor that getting married at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can lead to serious financial problems.
The reason for this is
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters do not hold a lucrative job at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and, it is most likely possible that they may not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
savings to fulfil the needs of the family.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take loans from banks to support their families.
For instance
, a report by the Reserve Bank Of India states that 40% of the family loans
are acquired
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, it is true that conceiving at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is better for women to avoid medical complications. In my view, with the advancements of science and technology, there is a strong possibility for women in their thirties to deliver babies
safely
.

In conclusion
, although marring at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is beneficial for starting parenthood, in my perspective, this trend leads to social and financial problems.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individual and for society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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