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People today are more concerned with owning material possessions than with developing friendships and family relationships. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

People today are more concerned with owning material possessions than with developing friendships and family relationships. v. 1
It is commonly said that nowadays the intimacy and closeness in friendship is mostly overshadowed by financial matters. We can see a higher rate of marriage failures due to monetary arguments and disagreements and friendships falling apart regarding this thing. I assume to judge the current situation and the reasons lead to this new approach require paying attention to the differences of modern lifestyle. The everyday life expenses increment is one of the reasons why in this day and age every individual has more financial concerns no element which they belong to social class. The unavoidable worries about economic stability and welfare have an immense effect on our everyday relationships with our family members, colleagues, and friends. In my point of view, although these concerns are not a new element, in the recent decade, they became a major consideration due to wars and instability we see even in developed countries. Consumerism is another new concept which you can’t stay away from nowadays. Advertisements targeting our ego and subconscious leave us no choice other than spending our money on the products we do not even use. Accepting more debts, going through hard work situations and emerging to make money for unreeling needs that mass media defining for us is a major reason why money became more of a concern for us than before and we can’t say that these general capitalist policies do not have any effect on the way we deal with people we are connected with. To sum up, I reckon that gaining a materialistic point of view by modern societies is a thing of unstable political and financial situation over the world and also the unconscious pressure that manufacturers and owners of the capitalist system put on us. To bring back emotional bonds and the old humanistic approach to relationships again requires a great effort from governments.
It is
commonly
said that nowadays the intimacy and closeness in friendship is
mostly
overshadowed by financial matters. We can
see
a higher rate of marriage failures due to monetary arguments and disagreements and friendships falling apart regarding this thing. I assume to judge the
current
situation and the reasons lead to this new approach require paying attention to the differences of modern lifestyle.

The everyday life expenses increment is one of the reasons why in this day and age every individual has more financial concerns no element which they belong to social
class
. The unavoidable worries about economic stability and welfare have an immense effect on our everyday relationships with our family members, colleagues, and friends. In my point of view, although these concerns are not a new element, in the recent decade, they became a major consideration due to wars and instability we
see
even in
developed countries
.

Consumerism is another new concept which you can’t stay away from nowadays. Advertisements targeting our ego and subconscious
leave
us no choice other than spending our money on the products we do not even
use
. Accepting more debts, going through
hard
work situations and emerging to
make
money for unreeling needs that mass media defining for us is a major reason why money became more of a concern for us than
before and
we can’t say that these general capitalist policies do not have any effect on the way we deal with
people
we
are connected
with.

To sum up, I reckon that gaining a materialistic point of view by modern societies is a thing of unstable political and financial situation over the world and
also
the unconscious pressure that manufacturers and owners of the capitalist system put on us. To bring back emotional bonds and the
old
humanistic approach to relationships again requires a great effort from
governments
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay People today are more concerned with owning material possessions than with developing friendships and family relationships. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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