Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individual and for society. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individual and for society. v. 3
These days, many people support the idea that young people under 30 should be promoted to get married since the age of 30 and under is assumed as the best choice both for the individual and for society. I disagree with this idea because from my point of view marriage requires a mature mentality and financial stability, which is more common for people aged 30 and over. First of all, people usually decide to get married to order to start a family, live together and subsequently have children. All of these aspects of family life require the inputs of significant financial resources. Usually, young people that have just graduated from university don’t have a high salary; some of them are even unemployed. Therefore, they cannot afford to pay a wide range of different living costs. On the other hand, mature people aged 30 and over often have sufficient work experience and, usually, their salaries are much more than fresh graduates’. As a result, they have a sound financial status and they have an ability to support not only themselves but also a family. Furthermore, a mature mentality is also an essential part of family life. According to experts, mature people are more mentally healthy in their behaviour and emotions. As far as I’m concerned, marriage involves unavoidable conflicts and misunderstandings, so people need to be calm and sensible enough to deal with these problems without damaging a fragile human psyche. Personally speaking, I believe that people aged 30 and over are more experienced and emotionally balanced. Taking everything into consideration, I do not support the opinion of encouraging young people to get married. It is more important to be mentally healthy and financially independent to start a family than to be young and have children just to improve the rate of demographic.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 30 should
be promoted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married since the age of 30 and under
is assumed
as the best choice both for the individual and for society. I disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
from my point of view marriage requires a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mature
mentality and financial stability, which is more common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged 30 and over.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married to order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together and
subsequently
have children. All of these aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life require the inputs of significant financial resources.
Usually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
graduated from university don’t have a high salary;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are even unemployed.
Therefore
, they cannot afford to pay a wide range of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
living costs.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged 30 and over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have sufficient work experience and,
usually
, their salaries are much more than fresh graduates’.
As a result
, they have a sound financial
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
status and
they have an ability to support not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a family.

Furthermore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mature
mentality is
also
an essential part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life. According to experts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more mentally healthy in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and emotions. As far as I’m concerned, marriage involves unavoidable conflicts and misunderstandings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to be calm and sensible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to deal with these problems without damaging a fragile human psyche.
Personally
speaking, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged 30 and over are more experienced and
emotionally
balanced.

Taking everything into consideration, I do not support the opinion of encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married. It is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be mentally healthy and
financially
independent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
than to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and have children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the rate of demographic.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individual and for society. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts