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It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individual and for society. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individual and for society. v. 4
We all need a life partner at some stage in our life but when is the right time to tie the knot? Although it may vary from person to person due his or her social-financial status, but in my opinion, it is better that one should marry before thirties as it has lots of advantages for both individual and society. In a survey conducted by Journal of health and sciences in 2018, it was found that 73 % of the couples who got married between 24 to 30 were living a pleasant married life. Nowadays both husband and wife are usually working and they support each other financially. They enjoy life more by planning vacations, outings, shopping and dining together. People who marry before 30 have enough time to plan their family. A woman has more chances to produce healthy babies during this period of time. Having kids at 28 to 30 is ideal as by the time one retires at 60 your children are also in their mid 20s. So you don’t have to worry about the your own or their future in old age. However, marrying at an early age may not reap benefits all the time. For example, one of cousin married in 21 when he only had a temporary job. He lost his job after one year of marriage and was having a hard time finding a new one. He got emotionally disturbed and financially broken and even committed to suicide. Moreover, between 18 – 25 people are more immature and aggressive and sometimes find difficult to adjust to a new person Looking at both sides of coin, I still believe that people should marry early as the advantages of early marriage outweighs its disadvantages. However, we should not take a blind leap of faith and one must consider its financial position before making this big decision of life.
We all need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
partner at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stage in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when is the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to tie the knot? Although it may vary from person to person due
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
social-financial status,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion, it is better that one should marry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
thirties as it has lots of advantages for both individual and society.

In a survey conducted by Journal of health and sciences in 2018, it
was found
that 73 % of the couples who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 24 and 30".
between 24 to 30
were living a pleasant married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Nowadays both husband and wife are
usually
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they support each other
financially
. They enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more by planning vacations, outings, shopping and dining together.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who marry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
30 have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to plan their family. A woman has more chances to produce healthy babies during this period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Having kids at 28 to 30 is ideal as by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
one retires at 60 your children are
also
in their mid 20s.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
you don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about the your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
or their future in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.

However
, marrying at an early age may not reap benefits all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, one of cousin married in 21 when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
had a temporary job. He lost his job after one year of marriage and was having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
finding a new one. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
emotionally
disturbed and
financially
broken and even committed to suicide.
Moreover
, between 18 – 25
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more immature and aggressive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
find difficult to adjust to a new person

Looking at both sides of coin, I
still
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should marry early as the advantages of early marriage outweighs its disadvantages.
However
, we should not take a blind leap of faith and one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider its financial position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
decision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individual and for society. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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