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Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 3
The general idea of grocery shopping has come a long way, from little shops to gigantic grocery stores. Due to greater presence of these large super stores, many of the local shops are now facing closure. Some believe that local communities are threatened by this. I completely disagree with this argument, as I believe that there are many benefits to the locals with the development of these large stores. Large organisations help the local economy. In other words, whenever a multinational grocery store opens up in our local neighbourhood, usually they are gigantic in size. Meaning that the store itself would require a greater amount of staffs ranging from cleaners to the store cashiers. This would definitely aid to mitigate the unemployment rate creating many jobs. Furthermore, many of these organisations tend to purchase locally manufactured products to minimise the production cost and to gain the maximum amount of profits. For example, items that have limited time constraints also known as perishable foods such as, milk, cheese and fresh fruit would be purchased from local farmers which will also assist the local economy. A place where local youth can hang out. Many of the large grocery stores are adapting the concept of one-stop-shop, meaning many of these stores have a kids play area or cafe's where, mothers can do their weekly groceries while their kids play or an adult can enjoy a cup of coffee at the cafe within the store. For instance, I myself usually go to my local supermarket on every Sunday and enjoy a cup of tea along with a piece banana bread while reading the news paper. This has now become a trend between many youths in the region creating peace and harmony. In conclusion, the development of supermarkets does not harm the local communities, in fact, they would help to boost the economy and also, create peace and harmony between the local young generation.
The general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of grocery shopping has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
a long way, from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
shops to gigantic grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
. Due to greater presence of these large super
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
facing closure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities
are threatened
by this. I completely disagree with this argument, as I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
with the development of these large stores.

Large
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy.
In other words
, whenever a multinational grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
opens up in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
,
usually
they are
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
gigantic in size
. Meaning that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
itself would require a greater amount of staffs ranging from cleaners to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
cashiers. This would definitely aid to mitigate the unemployment rate creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
locally
manufactured products to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the production cost and to gain the maximum amount of profits.
For example
, items that have limited time constraints
also
known as perishable foods such as, milk, cheese and fresh fruit would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
farmers which will
also
assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy.

A place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
youth can hang out.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the large grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are adapting the concept of one-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
-shop, meaning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
have
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a kid" or simply "kids"?
a kids
play area or
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
's where, mothers can do their weekly groceries while their kids play or an adult can enjoy a cup of coffee at the
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
.
For instance
, I myself
usually
go to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
supermarket on every Sunday and enjoy a cup of tea along with a piece banana bread while reading the
This word is normally spelled as one.
news paper
. This has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become a trend between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youths in the region creating peace and harmony.

In conclusion
, the development of supermarkets does not harm the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities, in fact, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to boost the economy and
also
, create peace and harmony between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
young generation.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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