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It is sometimes said that borrowing money from a friend can harm or danage the friendship. Do you agree? Why or why not? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v.1

It is sometimes said that borrowing money from a friend can harm or danage the friendship. Do you agree? Why or why not? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v. 1
Many multinational companies nowadays heavily relying on sponsoring sporting events as a mechanism to reach out to their targeted customer base. They clearly believe that this is an efficient way to promote their products and anticipate higher sales in return. But, opponents think that this is not a healthy way of advertising and manipulates the corresponding consumer. However, I strongly advocate the previous notion based on the advantages over its drawbacks. Endorsing sporting events is an excellent way of promoting the products & brands through its target consumers. Unlike campaigning through media, radio or the internet where the message reaches to a generic public, financing a particular game exactly reaches to relevant viewers who could be the potential buyers of the company's products. For example, the Rolex watch company sponsors international Golf tournaments. Sice the spectators of this game are usually rich and can afford to buy Rolex's products. Moreover, these events always create employment which in turn helps the local economies. On the other hand, some people think that these endorsements by the big companies often end up manipulating the consumers by enticing them to make an impulse buy. For instance, some of the health drinks with high protein may not help the same way as demonstrated by the ads produced by these companies. But, sometimes end users don't realize this end up spending the money for the goods which they don't need. To conclude, companies always try to appeal to its customers one way or the other. Spending on conducting sports events certainly has advantages, as these corporates are benefited, so as the others who are employed as a result. Consequently, it contributes to the economy as well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
nowadays
heavily
relying on sponsoring sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
as a mechanism to reach out to their targeted customer base. They
clearly
believe that this is an efficient way to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and anticipate higher sales in return.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, opponents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is not a healthy way of advertising and manipulates the corresponding consumer.
However
, I
strongly
advocate the previous notion based on the advantages over its drawbacks.

Endorsing sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is an excellent way of promoting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
& brands through its target consumers. Unlike campaigning through media, radio or the internet where the message reaches to a generic public, financing a particular game exactly reaches to relevant viewers who could be the potential buyers of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For example
, the Rolex
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
sponsors international Golf tournaments.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sice
the spectators of this game are
usually
rich and can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Rolex's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
always create employment which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the local economies.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these endorsements by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up manipulating the consumers by enticing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an impulse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
For instance
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
health drinks with high protein may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the same way as demonstrated by the ads produced by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
users don't realize this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up spending the money for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
which they don't need.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
always try to appeal to its customers one way or the other. Spending on conducting sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
certainly
has advantages, as these
Possible spelling mistake found.
corporates
are benefited
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as the others who
are employed
as a result
.
Consequently
, it contributes to the economy
as well
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is sometimes said that borrowing money from a friend can harm or danage the friendship. Do you agree? Why or why not? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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